Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Handling an episode of vandalism

Internet, my sisters recommended I post about a recent behavioral dilemma and my proposed response. One sister thinks my solution is awesome and the other thinks it will crush Cameron's spirit. So, in the interest of fairness I'm tossing it over the wall to the Internet to comment and judge. Have at it!

Last weekend we went to the library for story time. Per our usual routine Cameron sat and listened to stories while I perused the bookshelves for new reading material. I found about 10 books and we checked them out and headed home for lunch and nap time.

Cameron has been resisting nap over the past few weekends. She still naps 2 - 2 1/2 hours at daycare so clearly she needs it but she's resisting at home. Typically she gets up and grabs a few books and brings them back to bed. I'm usually OK with that because she is respectful of the books. Unfortunately Cameron was not respectful of a library book and decided to rip several pages out and into itty bitty pieces.

DH discovered this when he went to wake her up. At first he tried to convince me that she somehow did it in her sleep and didn't mean it. Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday so I didn't buy it. Cameron was contrite but she knows that library books are not hers. They belong to the library and we borrow them. She completely understands this which is why saying sorry doesn't cut it for me.

This is what I propose:




  1. No more books are allowed in bed. It doesn't matter if they are our books or the library's. She has lost the privilege of having them in bed. This disciplinary action has already been executed with success.


  2. Cameron will come with me to the library next weekend when I pay for the book's destruction. She will have to tell the librarian that she ripped it and is sorry.


#1 is clearly not the action being presented to you for commentary. It's #2. So, what do you think? Cameron will be 3 in March and I think she has enough cognition to have this be an effective disciplinarian technique. But I'm asking you to weigh in....

9 comments:

Amanda said...

I support idea no 2. She might not fully understand but your not going to scar her for life, sometimes we have to do things to show our kids its not OK. If you don't play it up and just have her explain to the librarian what she did and have her say sorry and then not bring it up again, like saying "case closed". I think its a good idea. My mom made me take a pack of gum I took from a store back to the counter and tell them I didn't pay for it when I was around 5. Still remember it to this day and haven't taken anything without paying since.

LauraC said...

I support idea #2! But I am all about making kids understand natural consequences. We make kids that young apologize to other kids when they hit them, why not apologize to adults?

PS. we didn't let the boys have non-board books in bed until probably 4 due to a similar episode.

A. said...

It's not that I think it will scar her for life, per se, it's that I think she's too young to have that kind of punishment take any weight with her. She isn't going to understand what she's doing, and she probably will be too shy to say anything, and if/when you force the issue, she'll just end up crying. But it won't be about the ripped up book, it will be because Mommy tried to make her talk to the stranger at the library. I think that's the crux of my beef with it. She's only 2 (fine, almost 3). I think that punishment is more effective once you hit the 4.5 and older range.

That said, for the older range, I fully support that type of punishment!

Stephanie said...

I fully support #2. When DS does stuff he shouldn't in preschool, we talk about it at home and then the next day, I have him apologize to his teacher for the behavior. He remembers it and it doesn't usually happen again.

Anonymous said...

I'm with A--I don't think it's particularly affective at 2. However, you could take a break from the library for a while and remind her as to why you aren't getting new books out---I think of that as more of the natural consequences of this kind of behavior. That said, at two they are so impulsive---she may still not be able to stop herself from doing it next time.

Drew said...

Um, I totally make my son apologize when he steals a toy from baby james, or when he steals a toy from someone else, or when he hit Pa that one time (can you believe it, he hit Pa once!). I don't care whether he "understands" or not, I think it is good form to engrain (sp?) in them as soon as possible that when you do something wrong, it is not ok and you need to apologize. This is the same as making them say "please" and "Thank you" in my book (ha, pardon the pun). Sorry is really important too. Besides, I think they understand a lot more than others think...

WorkingMom said...

I say go with #2, but understand that you may need to incorporate part of #1. She may understand at the time, and I agree with teaching respect for others' things from the start, but you can't guarantee it will have the impact on her for a long period of time you hope it will. It seems that 4/5 is the age when most of us remember doing something wrong and being punished for it.

Good luck!

T. said...

Totally support #2. She may not "get it" yet, but it sets a good precedent. And #1 provides a meaningful reminder (direct impact), so I think you are good!

H said...

As a non parent, but someone who deals with shitty behavior from kids every day, I support both of your ideas. I'm not sure she will "get" the second one, but it's important to model this- again, and again, and again.