This superman may not fly but he does tea parties

2011 continues to suck it. I can't believe it isn't even the middle of January yet. As I am sure you are aware, the Southeast was struck with a combination of snow and ice starting on Monday. Coincidentally I was also in Charlottesville when it hit and the shut down of the Charlotte airport necessitated in two extra nights there.

My flight to Charlotte on Monday was one of only two that wasn't cancelled. I kept checking my phone for the status update during my interviews of intern candidates at Darden. All was on time. Happily I returned my rental car and headed through security. 2 hours later it was official. No flights in or out of Charlotte. I informed DH and booked a hotel.

Needless to say, any amount of snow results in a shut down of everything in Charlotte. So while I was interviewing students, DH was stuck at home juggling a toddler and work. Like so many other transplants, DH and I have no family in the area. Which means if we end up in a situation without childcare, we have to juggle our calendars. In the past, I typically work from home and we trade off based on meeting schedules. Unfortunately we both have jobs that require a lot of meetings and conference calls and just keeping work things to evenings wasn't an option.

DH persevered and we both planned that my 5:25 AM flight on Tuesday would bring me home to help out. But an automated phone call in the middle of the night pushed back my flight to 9 AM (at least I didn't have to wake up at 4 AM!). While waiting at the airport it was pushed again to 2 PM. Right at 2 we were told that Charlotte was shut down and re-booked again for the next day. Thank goodness I was in a small regional airport. If I had to deal with that craziness at Atlanta I would have broken down crying several times. Customer service at Charlottesville was excellent.

My Tuesday delay meant poor DH had to endure another non-daycare day with Cameron. And he did an awesome job. Every time I called Cameron was laughing and chatting away in the background. He was definitely tired and stressed but helped keep my spirits up as I whiled away far too many hours in a hotel room and airport lobby. DH definitely got the short end of the stick on this particular parenting challenge. Especially since Cameron is obsessed with her new tea set and insisted on several tea parties an hour. DH is now a pro at clinking "cheers" and dipping his cookie into the "tea."

OK, I've bitched enough about 2011 although post is coming about the early advent of terrible twos. Time for photos! Just a couple since sickness and mouth sores have kept the camera from coming out a lot. But enough to keep the grandparents and great-grandparents happy, I hope!

Despite it being her "time out" chair, Cameron still likes chilling there.

DH is pushing the Yankees paraphernalia.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Two things have been nagging at my mind that bring up the oh-so-relevant song from Miss “Crazy Hat” Aretha Franklin. Over the past two days Cameron has been spending a lot of time in the Toddler room. I’m actually kind of happy about that, despite a complete meltdown on Monday night due to tiredness, because Cameron thrives when she is with older kids. As I mentioned previously she is the oldest by a few months in the Waddler room which I think lead to some of the pushing and biting incidences. And not to curse it but those behaviors haven’t reared their ugly heads in about two weeks. I guess it was just a phase! I’m sure it will come back around again but for now I will revel in it.

When I dropped Cameron off this morning, she was happily saying “ma-ba” (aka her teacher Miss Melba) when I ran into the Assistant Director. Apparently a new Director has been hired but I haven’t met her yet. I stopped the AD as she was heading into the office. Here is a transcript of our conversation:

Me: Cameron has been spending some time in the Toddler room. That’s great because I think she really likes it but does that mean you are starting to transition her into that room? (Note: most kids don’t start there until they are at least 18 months, Cameron will be 17 months next week)
AD: We have visits of a few hours before we start the full Transition process.
Me: Well, I think it’s great that you are planning to move her over because she loves being there (Note: although I’m not sure that two days is a solid indicator) but is there some reason you didn’t talk about it with me and my husband before you started the visits?
AD: [silence]
Me: In the future I really need to understand when you are planning to make changes to Cameron’s daycare situation.
AD: [silence, coupled with a look that indicates I killed her cat]
Me: OK, well thanks for your time.

Really? Is my request so unreasonable? I think not. I confirmed with Miss Melba that a notice is SUPPOSED to go out when the transition process begins. I appreciate that the AD thought Cameron was just “visiting” but let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? DH and I should have been asked to come in, sit down and talk about the transition plan. Instead, there was silence. I was perfectly polite (IMO) in my interactions with the AD but I can’t excuse her for not following the process. She is the AD and although she’s been there less than 2 months she should know the process. Plus, the ratio goes up in the Toddler room and we’re supposed to get a reduction in tuition. Perhaps that’s why it’s been radio silence?

The other situation that I’m dealing with at work is my interactions with an administrative assistant who sits RIGHT NEXT to me. She doesn’t support my particular group but she does support a peer group. When I first arrive in my new space I tried to chit chat with her. No response aside from grunts. I assumed that was the way she was but then I hear her laughing and talking and being very friendly with lots of other people on the floor. I don’t talk too loudly on the phone, I don’t bring weird smelling food to work and I keep to myself. Is there some reason that this woman appears to dislike me from the very beginning? It’s a bit insulting to my ego because I’ve always prided myself on being very friendly and supportive of all layers of the organization, especially administrative assistants.

As anyone who works in a large (or even small) company can tell you, administrative assistants are the secret weapons. BigFinance is very complex and sometimes it’s hard to know where to go to get things done (ordering business cards, reserving conference rooms, etc.). That’s why I absolutely need this woman to like me. She is the only person who can book conference rooms on my floor. The rest of my team sits 14 floors below (including the admin) so if I need a conference room on my floor, she is it (a whole other rant on why we can’t book our own conference rooms…stupid bureaucracy). I hold the door for this woman, no response, not even a thank you. If I’m going to the kitchen or out to lunch I ask if she needs anything. A grunt in response.

Normally I would just let it go (although it does prick the ego as I mentioned before) but I need to get this woman on my side. So, dear readers, any suggestions on this situation or the daycare one? For daycare I was thinking about setting up time with the new Director but she started this week, so is that too early?

A sign from above?

DH is traveling this week. Well, not all week. He left yesterday and will be back tonight. Regardless I am single parenting and actually kind of looking forward to taking Cameron with me to my Weight Watcher’s weigh in tonight. I just love showing her off!

About two weeks ago we learned that the Assistant Director at Cameron’s daycare was leaving. I really liked Miss Kris and was sad to see her leave. Apparently she got an offer for a standalone center (not a chain) a few miles away where she had the opportunity to move up to the Director position in a few months. A new Assistant Director was brought in and I just don’t get the same warm fuzzies from her. Case in point: when I picked up Cameron yesterday I noticed she had scrapes over her eye, down her cheek and on her arm and leg. In reading the accident report Cameron had tripped and fallen on the concrete in the outside yard. I expect accidents especially because Cameron is technically still learning how to walk. What I also expect in the case of a pretty bad injury is a phone call informing me of it.

The past few times that Cameron has been injured I haven’t received a phone call, nor has DH. Those were much less serious injuries so I didn’t make a stink out of them. But the daycare policy is that an accident must be reported via phone (even if it’s a message) to the parents. I confronted (yes, that’s the appropriate level of prissiness I had) the new Assistant Director after I picked up Cameron. She kept saying, “I know I signed the report.” My response, “Yes, I see your signature here but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t pick up the phone and call me.” I never really got an apology which is what I was looking for although she did say that they would be sure and call in the future.

So fine, I’m annoyed. After getting Cameron in her car seat I checked her daily report. Attached to the report was an announcement from the director that she was leaving at the end of the month. She assured us that with the Assistant Director things would be fine until a new Director was found. I’m sure you can imagine my response to that statement after what happened with Cameron. I’m also annoyed because Miss Kris was looking for a Director position so why wouldn’t she have just been offered the role? Then I would feel better about the situation.

I ran into another parent outside and was talking about when her daughter would move up to Cameron’s Waddler room. The parent told me that she was pulling her daughter out of the daycare at the end of the month. I didn’t put my nosey neighbor hat on so I’m not sure why exactly they are leaving. But it got me thinking that this could be a sign that it’s time to step up doing whatever we need to in order to find a new daycare for Cameron. I’ve been toying with joining the KidsChurch for my #1 choice because that would give us an edge. But at #16 on the waitlist it is unlikely we could move Cameron any time soon. There are only 8 spots in her age group and they are currently full.

Another option is the daycare (they call it pre-school) at the JCC we joined. It is about $150 more per month and has a funky structure where there is a school year and then the “summer” weeks are called camp. Regardless it is full time care and not in the opposite direction of work like our current daycare. Plus they would pick up at the local schools so long term it could make more sense. I have a call in and plan on taking a tour with DH if they have openings. Wish us luck!

Tuesday Thoughts

Cameron has decided that hair clips are not for her anymore. Every time I put one in to keep her hair out of her eyes she reaches up and pulls it out. Looks like we are relegated to Pebbles style ponytails until she stops being so stubborn.

Houston, we have another molar coming in! Cameron woke up wailing at 8:30 PM last night and we had to douse her with Motrin and I sat with her on the floor of her room until she whimpered herself into sleep. I would have sat with her on the rocking chair but she wanted nothing to do with the soothing motions of a chair that would allow my ass to be cushioned while trying to get her back to sleep. At least she didn't want to stay up and play. The poor thing was so tired that she draped herself over my leg with her head on the ground while I rubbed her back. 1.5 molars down and 2 to go (with many more in the future). I'm not sure DH and I will make it!

The light bulb in one of our lamps in the TV room went out and we replaced it with an energy friendly CFL. We are not quite as aggressive about saving the planet as my friend Amanda's family but we try to do a bit. The only problem is that the light is so dim that it doesn't even give off enough light to compare it to a nightlight. Looks like we need to dig up some 100 watt versions and just bear the expense.

I've been tossing and turning until 12 AM for the past two nights. Lots going on with my current job, interviews and not enough time in the day to get real work done. Plus I am finding myself working much longer hours which means less quality time with Cameron. Instead of picking her up at 4:30 we've pushed it back to 5 PM. Partly because she no longer needs that short nap before dinner and partly because DH and I are swamped at work. That means Cameron is in daycare from 7:15 AM until 5 PM. That's a long day! For parents with kids in daycare, how long is their day?

Please wish me luck for a few interviews I have today and tomorrow for some great new opportunities at BigFinance. I even plan on wearing make up (ooooooh) because of how excited I am about career possibilities.

The post where I want to whine but you probably don't want to hear it

But it's my blog right? So consider yourself warned if you click on the title of this post. It's only 11 AM and I've already contemplated running to the bathroom to indulge in a deluge of self-pity tears. I was venting to my sisters on the phone this morning while driving in (3 way calling was designed for triplets) about how much of a wimp I think I am when it comes to dealing with stressful and argumentative work situations.

I told my sisters I would be stronger today. I wouldn't back down. I would marshal my facts and my figures and I would stand strong. I knew it was going to be a tough morning but I didn't anticipate it would start at 8 AM with someone yelling at me about the financials I put together because they thought it was too expensive. I consider myself a strong woman. I don't like to take crap from people, I am assertive in my personal and work life. But I also don't like confrontation. My sister, A., said, "No one likes to get teary and shaky." And that was spot on. I do find myself teary and shaky when I end up in these situations. I held it together at that 8 AM call and again at 8:30 and 9 AM where I got yelled at some more. But now all I want to do is go home and hide under the covers and hope that tomorrow is better.

Deep breathing helps. The fact that I am jumping from meeting to meeting with no real time to decompress doesn't help. Also not helping is that I feel like I am blowing in the wind when it comes to handing this difficult internal client with little support from senior management. Have I made some mistakes? Absolutely. But I am trying my damnest to handle unreasonable expectations and time lines with no relief in site. My boss is very understanding but the last thing I want is to break down in tears while talking with her about the pressure. But I do need to vent....so I turn to the Internet.

I need to learn how to handle pressure situations better so I don't feel teary and shaky multiple times a day. How do you handle stress at work? Have you ever found yourself sniveling in a bathroom stall?

Friday Frustrations

Writing a blog is supposed to be cathartic, right? Well, let's give it a shot and see if I feel any better after I lay my current woes out on the blog-o-sphere, shall we?

Work is kicking my ass right now. It's a combination of things but mostly that I'm dealing with an unreasonable set of people that delight in micromanaging and belittling me. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I routinely walk away from meetings with metaphorical bruises. I can't say I enjoy listening to the diatribes of people who don't understand the processes that BigFinance Technology has in place. They want what they want, and they want it now. And if I say even one thing that doesn't kowtow to their expectations then I get to listen to f-bombs being dropped left and right. Should I read something into it that most of these people are New Yorkers? No one I work with in Charlotte swears like a truck driver. And of course, if it isn't obvious, they are all men.

In general I like my job but lately I am feeling completely worn down and demoralized. I can't fall asleep at night. I lie awake thinking about the shit I'm going to have to deal with the next day and the day after that. I'm fairly low level in BigFinance. How can I not be with 250,000 other associates? I know that there is crap going on at a much higher level than me that I'm not clued in on. But I'm the "face" of this portion of the project. I know it more intimately than anyone else. But when I go to senior management for direction it is of no help. I'm also struggling because I'm a bit of a poseur. I'm not a technologist. I'm not a network engineer. There are a lot of smart people I work with but I never claim I'm a subject matter expert. I've picked up a fair bit but I pull in the engineers when I need to validate or justify a technology decision. I'm excellent at program management and problem resolution. But somehow with this project I feel like I don't have a leg to stand on because I'm not an engineer. The clients that I'm working with are bullies and I'm struggling with how to tame them.

I've been actively looking for a new position but given some major organizational changes there haven't been many openings. I guess I just have to suck it up for a couple of more months. There is always the weekend, right?

Last week a house went up for sale on my street. It's the first time a sale has happened since we bought our house 3 years ago. At the peak of the market. This house is fairly comparable to ours. Same number of bedrooms, baths, and about the same square feet. Unlike our house it doesn't have a garage, it's landscaping sucks and it is much closer to the end of the street, hence close to the busy crossroad. I haven't been inside yet (waiting to be a looky-loo at the open house) but according to the listing it needs TLC. Read: carpets over hardwoods and no updates.

The problem? It is listed for 33% less than what we bought our house for. 33% is such a big number. Even if you account for the factors I listed above, there is no way that we will see an appreciation for our house in the next 10+ years. It's not that we plan on moving anytime soon. It's just that so much of our income goes into the house. I guess we are living the new American dream of an over/under real estate situation. And my dream of house in a few years with an open floor plan is on hold. Can anyone else commiserate?

OK, I do feel a bit better after writing all that. But warm and fuzzy thoughts from my readers would still help!

Separation anxiety or a mommy phase?

When I dropped off Cameron at school this morning she started whining and crying and didn't want me to plop her on the floor per usual. Normally I put her down and she immediately starts playing and is happy as a clam. She doesn't wave good-bye to me but I also don't push the leaving process. A quick kiss, drop off of bag and a wave good-bye. Cameron hardly ever notices I'm gone. Apparently this is not going to be the case going forward.

I shouldn't be surprised at the start of this mommy phase and/or separation anxiety. It's about the right time frame (12-15 months) and for the past week she has been very, very clingy. And only with me. If DH tries to wake her up or spend some alone time with her she does nothing but cry. I am attempting to be good and stay away. But it's hard! Equally hard is that Cameron is attached to me from the moment she wakes up until she goes to sleep. I don't think that I do anything differently than DH in changing her diaper or getting her ready for school or bed. But she is fairly mellow (aside from some thrashing) for me and constantly whining and squirming with him.

DH picked her up from school yesterday and Cameron cried her head off all the way home. True, she is tired and not napping well. But poor DH is getting tired of being the "bad guy" in Cameron's eyes. It's frustrating for him, me and probably Cameron. Perhaps I should go on a business trip and leave the two of them to work it out? Not that I have any business traveling coming up...

Suggestions from other parents who have had to deal with this?

When a doctor's note isn't enough

Cameron has been sick all week. She's been fever free since Monday but as I wrote in my last post she has a wicked bad sore throat. I'm allowed to say "wicked" as I hail from Massachusetts. DH and I have been layering her pain medications - Motrin and Tylenol. But still she will eat maybe 3 ounces in a sitting if we're lucky.

I thought ahead and got a doctor's note outlining the dosage of the two medicines. Go me, I thought, patting myself on my back. This way the day care will have to give Cameron her medicine. After all, I had a doctor's note.

Nope. No deal. Apparently the day care will not give medicine unless it's a life threatening situation. Not to put my crass hat on or anything but WTF? I totally get that they are trying to avoid liability but what if Cameron had an ear infection and needed antibiotics while in school? Is DH supposed to interrupt his day and make a round trip to the day care to give her the medicine? I say DH because he is much closer than me and would have to be the one to do it.

Has anyone else experienced this with your day care? Do I have any recourse here? Cameron still has a sore throat and I'm worried she will drink even less than she has been for us.

The Smell

For the past few months DH and I have been catching a whiff of a terrible smell. It isn't there all the time. In fact it is only rarely that the odor wafts across us and we look at each other and say, "Did you smell that?"

At first we thought it was the dog farting. Or the baby pooping. But it was a bad garbage-y smell but worse that that. We only smelled it in a couple of places, usually when sitting on the couch. It lasts for about 30 seconds, tops, and then disappears, sometimes for a couple of hours or days only to return again.

We have done everything possible to try and track down the smell. We checked the closets, the pantry, moved the couch and shampooed the rug. We crawled around and held our noses to the air while sniffing. We smelled in closets, by air vents and in cabinets. And nothing. No seeming origin for the smell. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I just assume it's some small animal that died somewhere and eventually it will decompose and we won't smell it any more? Ah, the joys of home ownership!

Will it really be OK?

I've been a wreck for the past 24 hours. Cameron and I went to her daycare to meet the teacher and get all the paperwork for her start date of 6/22. And I almost cried several times while there not to mention once I got home. I am not feeling good about leaving her in daycare. The place was a zoo when I got there. Granted, it was lunch time so there were subs for the breaks teachers were taking and the director was out of the office.

I was very disturbed at the site of all the infants on the playmat. Can I really be sending Cameron into that group to basically fend for herself? 7 other infants is a lot when you see them spread out on the floor. Some were crying, some were falling asleep in swings or bumpos. And I could only picture my sweet baby not getting enough attention. Or sleep.

I didn't get a great vibe from the head teacher so I think I need to go back. Because frankly we don't have many options at this point. I came home and started calling other daycares but they are all basically the same in terms of number of infants. Not to mention the wait lists. Years of wait lists. The teacher didn't really come over to interact with Cameron which I didn't like. And I asked about swaddling and she reluctantly agreed to swaddle Cameron.

I'm looking for a little reassurance from the blogging world about this. I was up for hours last night worrying about how daycare could affect Cameron. So please share your stories about daycare and relieve some of my stress!

The daycare saga continues

Now that I am a month into my maternity leave I decided to check in on the 3 places we have identified as childcare options for Cameron. I am now feeling particularly depressed and am looking for a little cheering up.

Our #1 choice, KidsChurch has us 25 out on the wait list. 25! We put our name on the wait list in early January and were told it was a year wait. But we were assured that it would really be much less because so many infants on the list would "age out" and we should be able to get one of the 8 spots way before a year. Apparently not since we are 25 back and there are only 8 spots. It's a great facility and absolutely perfect in terms of location so needless to say, I am very disappointed. I also haven't clarified what happens when Cameron ages out of infant into the 9+ month group. Do we have to start all over again on the wait list or are we grandfathered in? I assume the latter but need to verify.

Our second choice, LittleChurch is 99% sure they can't get us in for my return to work but may have an opening in August.

So that leaves our third selection, ChainCare. Now, don't get me wrong, we like this facility. We particularly like the director but she isn't the one running the actual class. They are still 4 stars but should be certified 5 stars by the time Cameron starts. And they have an opening for her when we need one. I did ask the director for references and should be hearing from a couple of parents this week. I hope that alleviates my concern of their 5:1 infant to caregiver ratio. The director did say she should get another infant caregiver once they have achieved their 5 star rating but it is dependent on whether their HQ approves it or not.

If we like ChainCare then we may just leave Cameron in there until a place opens up in KidsChurch rather than hop her over to LittleChurch first. But that also depends on my work situation. If I get a new role before Cameron gets a spot in KidsChurch that requires me to work uptown then ChainCare is going to be a disaster for me. It's completely in the opposite direction. Yes, I know I should cross that bridge if/when we come to it but it has been that kind of day!

So, can other parents reassure me with their own daycare sagas that ended up working out well? Am I a terrible person for hoping the economic woes mean 18 of those 25 people ahead of us on the wait list can't do take their spot at KidsChurch?

And for those who demand it, here are a couple of Cameron photos. Enjoy!

Watching the Yankees/Red Sox games with Daddy. He is pushing for Cameron to be a Yankee fan but after the last two games, I predict another member of Red Sox Nation. Her first set of scrubs? A surgeon to follow in her grandfather's footsteps? Nah, no need to start the pressure this young. I'll wait until first grade...
She doesn't look happy in this picture but isn't the outfit adorable?

The daycare saga begins

While DH and I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, we did make a list of things that need to happen before the baby comes. We'd love to refinance the mortgage given the low interest rates. I'm also looking into consolidating my private student loans. But I doubt anyone can beat the current rate I have of 2.5% (although it is variable).

The most important thing on the list is to secure daycare for our baby. Since BigFinance has a generous maternity leave policy (12 weeks paid!) we are looking for a daycare with openings at the end of June or early July (depending on how quickly she wants to joins us). One of the biggest factors will be location. Right now I work south of Charlotte in a "remote" office but I am in a rotational program so in 6 months I could end up back uptown. So we need to find a place close to home to avoid having to switch while she is still an infant. Also, that way I won't be responsible for pick up and drop off every time. DH would probably do morning drop off since I get to work by 7:30 and I would do pick up.

We can't do a nanny (not just because of expense) as DH works from home and that would be very awkward. I am also anti home daycare at this point. I worry about putting the baby in a place where it is a mixture of ages. I'd prefer a facility that has dedicated infant care. Once she's a toddler I'd feel more comfortable.

A. emailed me her daycare spreadsheet which I used as a starting point in my search. I then spent 3 hours on Google maps looking for all daycare facilities close to our zip code. I went up to page 80 on the results so I was feeling good with my list. I found 5 that I thought were contenders and started making the calls.

Two of them (the ones I liked the most from the web search) had 18 month waiting lists! Gah. We'll probably put our names on the lists because they are great, location-wise and are very highly rated. Is it wrong that I think impending layoffs in Charlotte could result in a lot of daycare openings? I'm totally going to hell...not good considering these two places are associated with churches.

Another one that looked promising has a 5:1 teacher to infant ratio. Um, I don't think so! As a triplet I have no idea how my mom handled the three of us. Adding two more to the mix makes me picture my baby crying in her crib for 15-20 minutes before she gets some comfort. No way.

That leaves us with two KinderCare facilities which are not in the best locations. I drive by the facilities quite a bit and they look pretty run down. I haven't called them yet in the hopes that I will find more options. DH is working with SmallResearch's Employee Assistance Program to get a list of more options. They will even call the facilities which is great.

For those of you who have been down the daycare path, how did you find it? Are there specific questions that DH and I should be asking when we go visit? Feel free to heap advice on these first time parents!