American Idol: Top 24 Part 2

The first part of the recap on who has been ushered through to potential stardom (or obscurity if you are Taylor Hicks) can be found here.

Despite Simon not remembering her, Janell Wheeler does a nice job with her first round in Hollywood Week. Not so good were her group and final auditions. She seems genuinely nice and is also very pretty and blond. That will help because she is in. I'm sure it will also help that she's willing to wear micro-minis.

Tyler Grady comes up and Kara is kind of in love with him. If you don't remember him he is the guy who fell out of a tree and broke both wrists. With his hair and lean looks it seems like Casey has some competition! He is designated Boy #5 and more hopes are dashed in the waiting room. I kind of like Tyler's sense of humor and fell a little bit in love with him when he smoothly shook Ryan's hand post The Chair and didn't say anything else.

We get a flashback from last season when we see the end of the sing off between current contestant Lacey Brown and Megan Joy. Dude, remember Megan? She of the weird voice who lasted far too long with her crazy dance moves? Somehow despite losing to the awfulness that was Megan and Simon announcing that the ladies' competition was uber strong this season she makes it as girl #5. I miss the sing off. It's probably the only thing I miss from last season.

Ashley Rodriguez who I'm sure Ryan will nickname A-Rod due to his level of originality is one of the most talented girls, in my opinion. She is quickly through. Let me pause here for a minute to talk about air time vs. success in the America votes part of the competition. I actually think that a few special cases aside (I'm looking at you Gokey), the contestants who get the most audition air time tend to do worse overall. Do I have statistics to back me up? Nope. Just a gut feel after watching 7 previous seasons. Yes, that's right. I didn't see the first season. Don't judge.

Alex Lambert and Joe Munoz are quickly guy #6 and #7. I'm sure I will incorrectly call Alex "Adam" until he is voted off.

Crystal Bowersox, she of the new tattoo to honor her son, is up next. Simon rightly tells her that she appears to think she is too good for the show. But her voice is all kinds of awesomeness. I do hope that she makes it to the makeover portion of the show so that she can get veneers or at least teeth whitening done by the show. I think she has a chance to go far but I do hope she gets rid of the dread locks before the live show starts. I didn't like it on Castro and I definitely don't like it on her.

Post montage of people who have already been let through we see Katie Stevens again. Her particular sob story is that of a grandmother with Alzheimer's. She's very cute and I think if she makes it she will go to the Top 12. Ellen doesn't screw with her very much and Katie is in.

Quick montage of people who don't make it. Thank goodness weird glasses girl was among them. Also cut was squeaky voice girl who flew from Italy to audition. Angela Martin is in her third attempt to make it. You might remember Angela as the girl who had to leave Hollywood Week last year because she had a bench warrant out against her. A dead daddy and a daughter with serious mental and health issues Angela probably has the best/worst sob story of them all. To no avail, however, as she is cut.

Lilly Scott has a wonderful jazz style. I commented before how much she sounds like Ella Fitzgerald. Interestingly her look is more reminiscent of Stevie Nicks. She needs to lay of the eye liner. The judges make the right call and Lilly is in the Top 24.

Paige Miles who we've never seen is through as is Siobhan (glass blower). Side note, DH toyed with the idea of naming Cameron Siobhan before she was born. I put the kibosh on it quickly. Even reading it now I have to struggle to pronounce it. Yes, I know how to say it but the letters don't match the pronunciation.

Also through is Michelle Delamor, Jermaine S and John Park.

Haeley Vaughn is in and Tori Kelly is OUT. Sorry, a little Heidi Klum flashback there. Haeley has a chance to do really well or completely crash and burn. Song selection will be critical for the wanna be black country singer.

Thaddeus Johnson vs. Andrew Garcia. Thad has this odd Kid 'N Play vibe with his hair. His mother is a little too enthusiastic. DH said he's be in but there are no girl spots left. Cruel but also factual. Does anyone even wonder who is in? I thought not. Andrew Garcia is a little old for the competition, and, let's face it, he's probably the least attractive of all the guys, but there's something about his style I really like.

OK, time to wrap it up.

Guys:
Aaron Kelly
Todrick Hall
Alex Lambert
Casey James
John Park
Jose Munoz
Jermaine Sellers
Tim Urban
Lee DeWyze
Michael Lynche
Tyler Grady

Girls:
Ashley Rodriguez
Haeley Vaughn
Janell Wheeler
Katelyn Epperly
Katie Stevens
Lacey Brown
Lilly Scott
Michelle Delamor
Didi Bemani
Crystal Bowersox
Paige Miles
Siobhan Magnus

Hollywood Week: Top 24

Apparently I didn't miss much by not completing the last episode since only 7 of the Top 24 were revealed. Before I get started with the results I do have to admit that I am dragging this season on posting recaps of the show. I need some inspiration to keep going as the two hour twice a week shows get started next week. So if you want me to keep the recaps up, please post a comment!

I found a great article on the myths and realities of the audition process if you are interested. You can find the article here. And I breath a sigh of relief that the audition process is officially over after tonight.

Up first to face the Chair is the baby daddy, Michael Lynche. I liked this guy in all of his auditions but think he won't go too far in the regular competition. He just doesn't have the range of many of the other guys. Oh, did I forget to mention he's in after crying his way from the waiting room to The Chair on stage? Well, it's no wonder because his dad spilled the beans to the entire world a few weeks ago and almost got Big Mike kicked out. Good job, Grandpa!

Following Michael is Didi who I really, really liked in her original audition even if she did suck up to Kara by singing one of her songs. She reminds me of all the good things I liked about Brooke White. We also found out (or were supposed to know already? so hard to keep track of the sob stories) that her best friend kicked the bucket and that was her inspiration for trying out. It also lead to her ASPCA Sarah McLachlan song. After being dicked around for a bit she's in. Guess what? She cries. I feel like I should create a macro for that phrase. We'll see it a lot this season.

Two up and two in. The more intelligent contestants (is that an oxymoron?) are probably counting their odds and not liking it.

Another girl, Katelyn Epperly is invited to The Chair next. I vaguely remember her whining about her parents' divorce in the auditions. Katelyn has hair that reminds me of my college freshman roommate. AKA awesome. Ellen does an excellent job of screwing with her but Katelyn is in. I don't think she'll make the Top 12, however. She is just a little too serious and not in a good Adam Lambert kind of way.

A third girl, Shelby, who didn't do so well at Hollywood Week aside from her last performance, is up next. As she properly notes, her odds are not good and we say good-bye to her hopes for the Top 24. Simon liked her so Shelby could have gone far (because we all know Simon is usually right) but majority rules and Randy gives the pink slip. DH is happy because of her oddly tilted mouth. He wasn't looking forward to seeing her talk out of only one side of her mouth regularly.

Casey Jones who completely redeemed himself from his embarrassing shirtless, hair down audition is the next guy to approach the stage. He did a really great job at Hollywood Week and I think aside from his audition faux paux he has a shot to go pretty far. After all, Casey can play an instrument and has a good package. What? I was talking about the singing, playing and overall look. Needless to say, after a quick reference to his flowing locks, Casey is through. The only caveat to Casey's potential success is that his personality isn't so great. He needs to work on that. We'll see how he does kibitzing with Ryan.

A teeny bopper type, Aaron Kelly follows. He made the unpardonable sin of forgetting the lyrics during group sing. Aaron really has a Federline type thing going, doesn't he? We didn't see much of Aaron during auditions but he has a nice talent and the tweens will love him. Ellen wants to pet him and tells Aaron he's through.

Lee D. didn't do so well during auditions including forgetting the words to one of the biggest hits of 2009. He's obviously not making it through but we still have to suffer through his clips. Kara in her space worthy shirt questions Lee's commitment to being a star and owning the stage. Somehow Lee skates through and I scratch my head for the first time.

Todrick who should go an audition for a dance show is up next. He's the guy who we saw performing back flips constantly. Todrick compares himself to Fantasia despite no experience singing. Kara doesn't even say anything other than "yes."

Moving right along, we see Jessica Furney. She strikes me as a little bit of a stalker. Attempting to appear cool she lounges in the leather Chair. Total wimp move to replace the stark Chair of past seasons. Regardless, Randy cuts her quickly and Jessica starts begging. Not a good look. Despite the montage of happy Top 24 contestants we kind of end on a low note.

OK, American Idol decided to screw with me so I will not be recapping the 7 guys and 10 girls still be announced until tomorrow. I will note that aside from Todrick, so far the leaked Top 24 list from a few weeks ago is accurate.

American Idol: Hollywood Week Round 3

This is it, kids. The last round of auditions before The Chair. Two hours? Jeesh, I should have picked up some wine on the way home.

Ryan introduces us to the trials and tribulations that got the contestants to this point. I roll my eyes at him. 71 contestants are left for the final round. Per usual they will be broken up into rooms and told which of the three rooms goes on to the next round.

Immediately DH spots a few good contestants in room 1 and thinks they are going through. With the feature of some good black girl in room 3 DH predicts that room 2 is going home. Is he right? We'll see shortly. Or at least as shortly as I can hope for in a two hour show.

Ryan keeps showing us performances from Hollywood Week. I sigh and realize that the 2 hours is because of filler. Before we go to break Ryan tells us that we will see the Top 24 announced this episode. WTF? They better not be eliminating The Chair. That shit is solid gold drama.

Does anyone else laugh that the producers put these kids in barren hotel conference rooms? I mean, not even a chair! Or at least booze like in Top Chef to get them through it. Ryan keeps trying to get me to root for Jermaine and I'm not having it. Brick House and Man in the Mirror? Plus he tries to tell the judges the band fucked up? Not cool.

Siobhan is a glass blowing apprentice. How freaking cool is that? But apparently she wants to be a star too and not just work in Renaissance Fairs. We see Crystal Bowersox again who is the tattoo ladden mom. And I can't help but want to email my old classmate Mike Bowersox and ask if she is related to him. She does well in her last audition and I'd be surprised if she doesn't make it through.

Up next is Adam someone or other who didn't have much personality but has a nice voice. He had the misfortune to be in Mary Powers' group. For his last audition he does a nice job with a ubiquitous Jason Mraz song. Big Mike also put his new baby daddy spin on the same song. Tondrick Hall (he of the back flips) put his own spin on the song and I stretch in boredom.

Thaddeus Johnson's mother decided she would stage parent her son all the way to the Top 24. No pressure kid. DH calls Thaddeus the "daughter his mother always wanted." Cruel but true. The band starts the wrong song for him but Thaddeus shows some humor and busts out a decent version of Man in the Mirror. Is it too much to hope we don't have a Michael Jackson tribute this season? After the Grammys I'm feeling tapped out.

DH and I mock the carpet pattern in the hotel rooms as Ryan brings us to room 2. Up first to tug our heartstrings is Charity Vance. I remain dead inside and think DH's prediction could be correct. Up next is one of the many minster related contestants. I can't remember her name but I remember liking her voice a lot. When Ryan shows us Mary Powers in room 2 I line up behind DH and place money that room 2 is out. Mary's mediocre Katy Perry performance seals the deal.

As Ryan keeps nattering on and on and on I wonder why none of these contestants have an iPad or video iPod or even a book. I can only assume the producers cut them off so to increase the drama. As I ponder this question the dock worker shows us another mediocre Man in the Mirror performance. I'm guessing they only had a short list of songs to choose from.

Hope Johnson, another casualty of Mary Powers' group, mangles a Daughtry song. Ryan is really stacking the deck against these contestants in room 2.

Moving on, 40 minutes in, to room 3. Ryan mentions 7 or 8 contestants including Shelby who auditioned in Atlanta and swore her way through to Hollywood. We see an embarrassing snippet of her missing the words, stressing out and crying. Don't worry honey, if you make it to the Top 24 it's not like you'll have to remember a song a week or anything. Shelby manages to pull it off pretty well in the final audition but it's far from great. DH wonders if her face really did freeze that way.

Aaron Kelly goes through his family soap opera. He decides to go with the ASPCA classic, Arms of the Angel. Ashley Rodriguez is featured next and DH still claims she will be in the Top 10. Quick cuts of three more contestants including the wanna be black country singer, Hayley Vaughn. She wears a flower in her hair for her final audition and I shudder thinking of Jasmine from two seasons ago. Or was it three?

Jannell Wheeler whines about being sick but picks a (the only) Taylor Swift song I like and does OK. She thinks she didn't do well and we hear more Doubting Thomases via the joys of editing.

Finally, at least I hope so, Ryan takes us to the break and promises us that we will see the cuts when we come back. I urge him to hurry up so we can get to The Chair.

Dammit. More scenes from room 1 contestants. But id does show us Andrew Garcia so it will be no surprise when they are safe. Room 2 includes all of the "fighters." With Mary Powers there, I don't doubt it. Room 3 is up and down room. Needless to say, room 1 is through first. Ellen tries to screw with them a little but she doesn't make them wait too long. Their screams of joy clearly echo to the other two rooms who know they now have a 50/50 shot of making it to The Chair.

Minute 58 and we just caught up to the live show. Crap, I hate that. I'd watch the Olympics for a bit but Lost is taping too. Stupid DVR that can't tape two shows AND let me watch a third.

Room 2 is up next and Simon breaks it pretty gently to them. Looks like DH was right. We need to take him to Vegas. Of course, that means room 3 is in. So far so good. Aside from a few minor quibbles, I generally agree with the judges.

The contestants cheer and dance and I do my own happy dance singing (badly), "The Chair, the chair, it's time for the chair!" This year the contestants don't go up an elevator. Instead they have to walk down to the stage of the Kodak Theatre. But at the end of the walks we will have our Top 24.

Sorry everyone but I'm for bed. Yes, I am that pathetic but I promise a second recap with The Chair tomorrow evening.

SJ out.

American Idol: Hollywood Week Group Auditions

Contestants rightly hate this portion of the auditions. Frankly I don't understand why the producers insist on it. After all, the only group portions of the regular show are disjointed and lack any kind of real choreography. Plus if the judges like you then they will pass you through anyway. So really it is just the contestants on the line who are up for cutting.

Starting the round are 96 contestants who get to self select groups. Really it would be better to have random assignments. It might save us, the suffering audience, some of the drama. Adding insult to injury they also have to come up with group names. I had flashbacks to RA training. This shit is so juvenile.

Ryan introduces us to a few groups that are guaranteed to provide drama. We witness no real leadership, arguments over songs and lots of pandering to the cameras.

I'm going to be honest hear and write that Ryan throws out a lot of names in a very short amount of time so I find it hard to keep track of who is who. So let's just roll with it, shall we? Mary Powers steps up to try and take control of her group. She's a bit bratty about it but at 28 she's a decade older than most of the others so I can appreciate her frustration. After wasting a lot of time they decide to go with a group of 5.

Contestants whine about not having appropriate practice space. I feel zero sympathy. Don't they have hotel rooms?

Big Mike and Team Awesome appear to have their shit together. His wife is also the most understanding woman in the world as she labors along.

Contestants whine about how late it is and how tired they are. The vocal coaches make their onscreen appearance and seem to help more than hinder.

Coming back from the break, Ryan welcomes us to the early morning practices. Some contestants seem energized and optimistic. It won't last. Guaranteeing the slide into chaos are snippets of contestant forgetting the words.

Mary Powers whines that she's not having fun. She is rapidly slipping into annoying territory for me and I wouldn't be sad to see her go. Given the amount of airtime she's getting I will place odds that she is not one of the Top 24. If she was, the producers would be showing her in a much better light. Alternatively, Big Mike gets a Vaseline focused camera angle and lots of love from the editors. Apparently he is helping to talk his wife through the birth of his daughter. I doubt it helps his wife very much.

Family drama done, the group auditions start with Faith. They are a small group of three and harmonize pretty well. DH predicts Ashley will be in the Top 10. The entire group breezes through.

Team Awesome also does a good job but Ryan makes us wait until after the break to find out that Big Mike and Tim Urban are the two who make it through. I don't have to wait because I have a DVR. Suck it, Ryan! We see a shot of Big Mike's daughter and she is very cute with a full head of hair.

Team Neapolitan sings Lady Gaga and Destiny's Wild throws a bunch of bitch faces around because Team Neapolitan "stole" their idea. Up next, is Destiny's Wild and I have to admit it looks like they are third rate compared to Team Neapolitan. I'm sure they were frustrated which didn't help. But the judges seemed to like it so both groups make it to the next round.

Montage of good performances. At this rate the judges won't be cutting very many contestants. I'm impressed with how the groups have come together.

Featured next are the Mighty Rangers who admit that they didn't really practice. DH thinks glasses girl is annoying and wonders how many super sized glasses she owns. For the first time we see a crash and burn with lyrics. One of the guys who is cut whines and cries and asks for second chance. Kara and Simon quickly put the kibosh on that.

A contestant quits before her group's performance. She didn't want to embarrass herself. The vocal coach assures them that not much should change for them. Morea, at Hollywood Week for a second time with the same song, forgets her lines. Unforgivable in mine and Simon's estimation so she goes home.

Montage of contestants struggling with Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape." Why would they pick a song with that many lyrics? Dumb song selection. Big Dreams is the last group to tackle this song and features the guy who spent four years in jail and a girl who begged her way to Hollywood. They all do terribly. And they all go home.

I'm bored so I notice that the judges are drinking out of Vitamin Water cups instead of the standard Coke ones. I heart Vitamin Water so I approve.

Ryan tells us that lots of people are sent home that we should remember from the city auditions. I don't. Except for Tourette's guy. Because how could you forget him?

Middle C has a trio of very talented performers and easily make it through as do Three Men And A Baby. The producers saved the best drama for last and The Dreamers are up. Mary continues her path to "dead to me" with her attitude. I totally did a 180 on this girl in a single hour. Well, done, Mary!

The Dreamers do not disappoint with missed lyrics, mediocre melodies and off key notes. Somehow, against all odds, Mary, Alex and Hope make it to the next round. But I am now actively routing against Mary.

71 out of 96 move on to the last audition rounds before The Chair. I love the Chair. I'm ready for it now. But until then we have one more solo round. And we are thankful that group rounds are done for another year.

SJ out.

American Idol: Hollywood Week Round 1

7 cities
181 potential contestants
The tears
The sob stories
The drama
The screaming
This is American Idol

Finally the auditions are over. Is it just me or do they get longer each year? Ellen Degeneres joins the judging panel and we bid a not-so-fond fairwell to the mediocre guest judges. The first round is Sudden Death and the contestants are allowed to accompany themselves with instruments.

Up first is Katie who has the grandmother with Alzeheimers. She is good and easily moves on. Not moving on, thank goodness is Skiiboski. My love for Ellen notches up considerable when she informs him that he crossed the sexy line into scary territory. Did anyone else think of Barney's crazy/hot scale?

Andrew Garcia tackles "Straight Up" with his own version accompanied by guitar. He does a great job and the judges love good interpretations. He doesn't have one of the stronger voices but he is smart and will go far.

In his group is Vanessa Wolfe who has the thickest twang I've heard in a long time and I live in the South. She gets a lot of airtime but not enough confidence. But hey, at least she got to go on the aero-plane.

Montage of crying people who thought they had the ticket to fame and fortune.

Three mediocre contestants are featured but they all sucked and are cut so I won't waste your time.

Janell Wheeler is one of the few contestants with a real job (lots of food service, unemployed and students this season). She does a nice job and I applaud the judges sending her through.

Montage of people making poor choices in accompanying themselves on instruments

Haeley Vaughn wants to be the first black country singer (doesn't Hootie count?). Unfortunately she is very pitchy although Randy likes her because she is 16. Apparently I know nothing because she is passed on to Round 2.

Mary Powers is a 28 year old rocker mom who's child loves Simon (good choice). She picks a Pink song which is excellent for her range and style. She easily moves on. Mary thinks her life is going to change now...um, you have to make it all the way first, honey.

Ellen fucks with the contestants by making them move forward and back before telling them they are all in. Love it!

Montage of people I don't remember or never saw from auditions.

Of the 50% seen so far, 46 make it to round 2

Lilly Scott shows us the view from her hotel room. A parking lot isn't exactly a good view....She picks an Ella Fitzgerald song that suits her voice amazingly and the judges love her. I predict she will go far.

Big Mike Lynche gets a phone call that his wife's water has broken. As a fairly new mom myself let me be upfront that I would have killed DH if he wasn't there for Cameron's birth. Taking my judgemental hat off, Mike sings well and can play the guitar and isn't too tacky in pandering to the judges with his baby news.

The next group features Tim Urban and Justin Williams. Tim Urban decides to tackle a David Cook song and his voice dropped an octave since the auditions. Cancer survivor and hottie Justin Williams is kind of boring and gives weird looks while singing. Randy calls it interesting which is never good. Predictable he is out. He is also the only one not moving on from his whole group which has to suck even more.

Montage of people getting cut that I don't really remember. The Jersey girls were cut, thank goodness. They were uber annoying for me in the auditions.

Maddy Curtis is 16 (so Randy loves her) and has 4 brothers with Down's Syndrome. She hits a high note that makes me wince but recovers. Her song selection was poor and Simon backs me up. Unfortunately it is her undoing and she cries her way out of Hollywood.

Casey James is the guy who took off his shirt to make it to Hollywood. I hated that but he's actually much better than his audition and I think having the guitar helps. He easily makes it through.

Wow, a lot quicker hour than the city auditions! The last group lines up to go onstage and we get a flashback to a weepy waitress named Didi Benami. She sucks up to Kara by picking one of her songs. She has a Joss Stone vibe about her and easily makes it through.

Crystal Bowersox is a single mom who decides to get a tattoo for luck. I hope she didn't get it in a place where the guitar strap will rub it. She does a nice job with "Natural Woman" but needs some serious dental work if she makes it to the Top 24. Like Didi she moves right along.

Ryan closes out the episode with another montage, this time of happy, screaming people. 95 people out of 181 are moving to Round 2. Dare I hope that the level of drama in group auditions will surpass last season? I'm sure the producers are planning on it!

SJ out.

AI Season 8: Top 36 are selected

This is it, kids! For 2 hours we get to experience shattered dreams and inflating egos. And at the end, 54 contestants will become 36. Your Top 36. I would like to mention that I am suffering through a regular broadcast rather than my standard HD. For some reason FOX's sound was screwy on HD. It's amazing how much crappier the picture is when it's not HD. I have been completely spoiled.

DH and I are somewhat disgusted at the notion of a judges' mansion. First of all, don't the judges all have homes in the LA area anyway? Secondly, the elevator is gone! I think that is the worst part of the whole thing. Of course Ryan is still the annoying gnat buzzing around the waiting room so not everything has changed. Admittedly, the mansion is beautiful but is this the message that American Idol wants to send during our time of economic woes? I can see the producers' meeting now:

Producer #1: I know! Let's dump the somewhat luxurious hotel for a house that not a single one of our voters could actually afford!
Producer #2: Great idea! In fact, should we even allow Coke and Ford to advertise any more? Let's get Dom Perignon and Lamborghini instead!

New for this season's Chair is the "sing off." Two contestants are pitted against each other to sing for their supper. So to speak. I'm "eh" about this twist but let's see how it plays out, shall we?

Up first is NC native Anoop Desai. He seems very relaxed as he saunters into the Chair. Kara tells him he "surprised" them. He is in the Top 36. And Kara needs to work on her delivery, "I think you will be with us for Season 8." Think? It is or is not.

Von Smith is next DH immediately says, "Buh-bye". Apparently the only reason he is alive is to be on America Idol. This isn't going to work out well. He is one of the big voiced, musical theatre talents that Simon has such little love for. Von Smith falls back on his generations' habits and blames his parents for his song selection. I am disgusted that he makes it through. He brought his mom with him and she cries in happiness. Just wait until you see how he blamed you while he was in the Chair!

Ryan tells us that the judges had such a difficult time making their decisions because the talent was so good this Season. Really?

Cody is the amateur horror film maker and he totally disappeared after his first audition. Alex (slightly nerdy guy I have a soft spot for) is brought in to compete in a sing off. Cody does a terrible job. He wasn't in pitch at all. Alex is much less nervous than Cody and has a significantly better performance. The judges agree with me and Cody is out and Alex is in. Ryan tries to sympathize with both of them and fails miserably. Don't worry, Ryan, you've only had 7 years to perfect bad news/good news.

Adam Lambert still annoys me. DH think he has "the look" but I strongly dislike his musical theatre vibe and Cher performance from the last solo edition. Simon tells him that the judges liked him in Hollywood. Kara gives him a smile so you know he is in. And apparently I am going to suck at my AI pool this year because Adam is through to the Top 36.

The first girl up is Taylor who auditioned in Salt Lake City. Is she the girl who moved from Hawaii to Utah to be "discovered?" I think so. DH thinks she looks like Callie from Grey's Anatomy. Randy doesn't let her sweat long before he tells her she's in.

Also in are Jasmine Murray, Arianna Asfar, Casey Carlson (very cute, has already been on TMZ), Megan Corkery (single mom), Mishavonna, and Stevie Wright.

Joanna is up next (previously had a label deal) and we are shown clips of her constantly forgetting the song lyrics. Not surprisingly she is through and joins the other ladies in the Top 36. I predict at least one more set of forgotten song lyrics in her future. Joanna is one I think could go very far in this competition. I am annoyed at the judges constantly saying she hasn't been offered a break in the business. Um, what about her past record deals? She's made it a lot further than any of the other contestants...

TK Hash, Chris Chatham, and Reggi Reasley are all out. They never got any air time so I am not surprised.

Kendall Beard is up next and we are shown clips of her not doing well. Paula fucks with her pretty well and breaks the news that she made it.

Kristen McNamara and Jenn Korbee are going to have a sing off. Jenn is half of the married couple that made it to Hollywood Week. Her husband, Tom, was cut after first day of auditions. Jenn isn't fazed by the request to sing and belts out some country song. Kristen has a more pure country voice than Jenn but who will the judges pick? Simon keeps saying that Jenn is much more attractive and the rest of the judges give him crap for it. Kara and Paula give constructive criticism to both contestants and drag it way out. Simon tells Kristen she is through but he preferred Jenn. I'm sure that makes Jenn feel soooo much better.

Alexis Grace (cute single mom) cries a little in her interview about leaving her baby if she makes it into the Top 36. I really enjoyed her voice in her audition and think she has a unique tone. Needless to say, she is in. Looks like Gradma will be her daughter's primary care giver now!

Up next is Scott McIntyre. DH wants him to say, "This is a nice place," as he walks to the Chair. He he he. That's never going to get old because he's obviously through. Paula tries to throw some BS his way but the decision is never in doubt. At least Ryan doesn't try to give him a high five again. That was priceless!

Lil Rounds immediately follows and she is another one who is definitely through. She is a mother of 3 who lives in a motel with her family because they lost their apartment to a hurricane or tornado or something. Simon loves her and she's in. If she keeps up the good work she will be in the Top 10.

One hour down, one to go. AI loves to drag out these results, don't they? During the regular season I don't recap the results shows except to say who goes home, so don't get used to this. Between the group performances and the guest singers, the results shows are the worst. Sometimes I even go to bed and have DH watch the end and wake me up with the results. That's how boring they are.

Anyway there are 30 contestants left to be judged in the Chair. Felicia Barton, Ashley Hollister, and Devon Baldwin are all out. The first we've seen of any of them so they won't be missed.

Frankie Jordan (stay at home mom) is up for judging next. She is going to be in a sing off with Jessie Langseth. I like Jessie a lot more even before hearing the sing off. I have always coveted red hair though so that could explain my bias. Frankie is incredibly nervous and starts out pretty shakey. Jessie has a lot more "umph" than Frankie and I predict she will be the one let through despite the bad song choice. Paula confirms my prediction.

Shera Lawrence is out. Derek Lavers it out. And Simon tells them with such aplomb I want to stand up and applaud him.

Allison who has an unspellable name is 16 and we see her for the first time as she walk to the Chair. Her Hollywood clips are good and she joins the Top 36.

Danny and Jamar are up next. We get a clip package of their journey together. I really like these guys because they both seem so normal and great friends. Thank goodness the judges don't pull a BS sing off for them. Danny is up first in the Chair and he's obviously through. Jamar is genuinely happy for him. Will he also join the Top 36? Surprisingly no. DH is shocked. I kind of am too but such are the vagaries of American Idol. The entire waiting room is stunned by the decision. Jamar handles it with grace. DH calls it crap.

Ricky Brady, Matt Giraud (dueling piano player), Ju'not Joyner, Jorge Nunez (still don't get the judges love for him), and Brent Keith are all in. Stephen Fowler is up next and he totally screwed up the last solo audition when he forgot the words. Twice. But the judges are forgiving and he joins the other Top 36 guys.

Nick/Norman heads to the Chair next. He is appearing as Nick this time around and the judges miss Norman. Simon obviously didn't vote for him but he is through to the Top 36. I am baffled.

Jackie Tohn who was completely annoying during Hollywood Week thinks she did well. I think she butchered the last solo audition. Randy beats around the bush before welcoming her to Season 8. Jackie and her guitar necklace cry their way out of the room.

Jackie is hugged by Tatiana on her way back to the waiting room. We see lots of clips of Tatiana being emotional. Does she have any other mode? She does have a good voice but she's so freaking annoying! Thankfully Simon is in my corner. Tatiana babbles about the bracelet from Paula's collection that she bought and it was a "sign from God." Also a sign from God? That she doesn't make it. What? What did I just hear? Did Randy say she made it?Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

I'm ignoring it and moving on quickly.

Jackie and Nathanial are going into a sing off. Nathanial and his two headbands piss me off. At least he's not wearing sunglasses over the whole mess like he usually does. Nathanial is one of the millennial generation that completely pisses me off. So entitled. I think this is the first time we've seen Jackie McKiff and he does a decent job. Kara immediately defends him. But first we need to suffer through Nathanial "look at me!" Marshall. After we hear his sob story, of course. Mom in prison for drugs, obese grandma in wheel chair, etc. I'm too full of hate for any sympathy. His voice is better than Jackie's. I'm not happy. I realize that this is a singing competition but can the judges not incorporate any of the personality factors? I just hope that America does a better job because Nathanial is in.

Sigh. At least one more week of him and Tatiana. It really might kill me.

Also joining the Top 36 are Jeanine Vailes, Kai Kalama, Ann Marie, and Kris Allen.

Matt Breitzer is a welder and Michael Sarver is a rough neck on an oil rig. Neither of these guys are people you want to screw with. So the AI producers put them through a sing off. Matt doesn't do a very good job. Michael is much better. DH thinks they are both in. Based on my count so far, he could be right. My math is good and they are both through.

And so that it, Season 8's Top 36. Now America gets to vote. Let's hope we weed out the loonies early. It might even inspire me to vote. And I never vote. The contestants will be broken out into groups of 12 and compete each week to be narrowed down. Sounds confusing. I liked the boy/girl of past seasons. Contestants will perform on either a Tuesday or Wednesday and the next day the semi finalists will be announced. Then we get the judges pick "Wild Card" episode on 3/5. And then, only then will we have our Top 12. I'm exhausted already.

Contestants have complained that if they don't get air time during auditions they are at a disadvantage when America starts voting. What do you think?

Season 8's Top 36 (don't blame me for the crappy website, it is American Idol...)

SJ out.

AI Season 8: Hollywood Week Continues

Ryan informs us we have whittled the contestants down from 103,000 to 72. I feel like we lost a couple between the last episode and this one but admittedly I suck at math. For this round of auditions contestants will perform solo, with back up singers and with instruments if they wish. Or as DH pointed out, if they are Josiah from Season 7 they dismiss the band and sing a capella. Remember that guy? He was a whiny baby and Simon showed good taste in not letting him past the Chair.

But tonight is Day 4 of Hollywood Week, Season 8. Per usual, contestants are split up into rooms and the entire room is dismissed or makes it through to the Chair for the final round of judging. There are 4 rooms total with 18 contestants in each. Now, I was a little slow on the uptake here and didn't really figure it out until the end but if you are not as math challenged as me, you will know that 3 of the 4 rooms will be safe. Why? Because AI is going with a Top 36 this season and if they dismiss 50% of the rooms there will be nothing left for the Chair to judge. And we can't have that! Of course this math should just make the contestants who are dismissed feel even worse about themselves. A 75% chance of making it to the next round of judging aren't good enough odds for them!

After Ryan tries to fake us out that we will see the results immediately, the show is "rewound" to 12 hours earlier.

Adam Lambert is up first. If you don't remember him he is the slightly goth guy with a musical theatre voice. Paula called him "unique and different." Grrrr. Here we go again, Paula. Someone can't be both unique and different. Unique is sufficient and grammatically correct. That crap drives me up the wall! I'm sure I will comment on it many times over the course of the season so prepare yourselves; it is one of Paula's favorite compliments. Adam chooses Believe by Cher. Good set of pipes but having a gay guy sing Cher is a little cliche, isn't it? He does OK and we aren't told what room he ends up in. I think it's Room 1.

Adam is followed by dueling piano player, Matt Giraud. Matt serenades the judges with Georgia On My Mind and plays the keyboard, natch. Good tone of voice and a lot of presence. He's totally through and Kara calls it hot. Again we aren't told where he ends up but I'm sure his room will be safe.

Ryan talks more about the stress in the Waiting Room. I wonder why Degree sponsors a small show like Eureka but they pass up the opportunity for a Degree moment on America Idol. Seems like good synergy to me.

Featured next are Danny and Jamar, the BFFs who have received a ton of screen time during the auditions. You remember them: Danny's wife died of a heart condition and Jamar is his cute friend who supports him all the time. Jamar picks Delilah by White T Shirts (great song and apparently 1/2 of the contestants think so too) and does an OK job. I didn't think it was a good song choice for his voice but DH thought he was great. Danny watches him from the wings. The producers are really milking this friendship, aren't they? Performing right after each other, same group in Day 1, etc. Danny sings a smaltzy song with his raspy voice and he sounds really good. Not a lot of range or big notes but he's definitely through. I think Danny has had the most air time of any potential winner yet. I predict he will easily get passed the Chair. Jamar, however, is up in the air.

Anoop sings My Perogative and has the crowd on its feet. Jorge Nunez from Puerto Rico does a decent job but I am not seeing why the judges love him. Both end up in Room 1 so I'm going to assume the contestants we've seen so far do as well.

Scott MacIntire sings I'm Going Home by Daughtry and accompanies himself on the piano. He does a good job but I'm not bowled over by his voice. But there is definitely something about this guy. Totally normal despite his physical disability. I am secretly glad he hasn't been featured too much during Hollywood Week because it implies he will go far. After his performance he tells us, "I just heard that Paula gave me a standing ovation but I didn't see that." Good one.

Also in Room 1 (I think) is Kendall, a cute blond from Puerto Rico. She picks Carrie Underwood, of course, and had a generically good country voice. She is followed by Stevie who is 16 and sings the Bubbly song I like so much. Her voice was not great. But Lil Rounds does amazing! She has the drive and the voice and will totally survive the Chair.

Ryan has a chat with Kristen McNamara from Team Compromise. Ryan fucks with her and she is not annoying. She does much better than I saw from the group round. But it's the first time we really saw her sing so it's hard to tell if she makes it.

Mishavonna who we never saw before is back at Hollywood Week for the second year. I don't recognize the song but think she does a good job. Terrible name though...

We are on next (I think, Ryan is doing a bad job with his narrative tonight) to Room 2 which includes Tatiana so you know they are toast. Too bad because it included the oil rig guy and Alex, the kind of nerdy guy. Ryan shows us a montage of all the songs that she sang for the judges. Why do you insist on deluding this girl with more air time?? The producers are mean this season. Tatiana picks a Whitney Houston song, of course, and kind of butchers it. DH is happy and yells, "Gone!" The judges are appalled. She, of course, thinks she nailed it.

Alexis Grace picks Carrie Underwood and does OK (another one of the single moms we've seen). Jasmine Murray who was good in the other clips was not good in her final audition. Also in the same group is Nathanial ("Look at me!") from Team Compromise who got way too much air time. I breath a sigh of relief that he kind of sucks. Buh-bye.

Also in Room 2 is Joanna Paciti who is totally cute and royally screws up the words. Two more contestants forgetting the words are shown. Simon doesn't let that shit through. After all, if a contestant can't learn a song in 24 hours, how will they be able to do it week after week?

Then Tatiana is removed from Room 2 and put into Room 4. Not sure what's up with that, I've never seen it before. Room 4 should be very worried right now.

Nick/Norman is highlighted next. He picks his alter ego, Norman Gentle to sing the final audition. Let me pull my Psych 101 hat on and say that it is easier for Nick to be rejected as Norman than as himself. So when there is more on the line he's not willing to actually be himself. It's a shame because he does have a very nice voice. He is put into Room 4.

Also in Room 4: Ann Marie picks I Hope You Dance and pulls a Brooke White by singing barefoot. She's pretty good. You probably remember her from her audition where Simon made her go out and get a parking lot makeover. Ju'not Joyner sings the Delilah song and we've never seen him before. I think he does a great job with his styling of the song. Could he be another David Cook with his own versions? From the short clip we are shown, I think he will make it past the Chair.

When Tatiana joins Room 4 the rest of the contestants freak. As well they should. She's an awful person. But supposedly the judges only look at voices so you never know...DH is ready to stop watching if she makes it through. But he remembers: she will never survive the Chair even if she makes it through here. So the world is right again. We are counting on you, Simon! And add to your cut list Nathanial "Look at me!" if his room makes it too.

Room 3 includes Kaylan Loyd from the Louisville auditions. She starts strong but then forgets the words. Leneshe is also from Louisville and Ryan reminds us of her sob story. Homeless, raised by a single mom, blah blah blah. She does OK but not great.

Kai Kalama in Room 2 had his voice crack repeatedly. Chin up, man, Syesha made it through when she lost her voice. Michael Sarver is also in Room 2 and is the oil rig guy. He does an OK job but doesn't wow me. Simon was smiling though which is a good sign.

Simon skips out on informing the rooms of the results. But that's got to be his favorite part! It would be mine. He he he. Although he still has the Chair to come so he'll get his kicks that way.

Room 2's decision: they are through to the Chair. I am annoyed that Nathanial "Look at me!" Marshall is one of them. Gah.

In Room 3 India (she of India/Asia audition) is shown and does not do well. That coupled with the fact that many of the contestants who forgot the words are there means we are not surprised at the results. Room 3 decision: end of the road. Included is Jason Castro's brother.

Room 1 is obviously getting through. Is anyone doubting that? Especially with Scott (bind guy), Anoop, Lil Rounds, etc.

In Room 4, Tatiana has a nervous breakdown before the judges deliver their verdict: they are in for the next round.

That means only 18 people were cut and we are down to 54. 36 make it past the Chair.

Speaking of the Chair, tomorrow is the 2 hour extravaganza. And apparently now there is a judges mansion. A hotel isn't good enough any more? Where is the hotel with the private elevator? They can't do this to me! The elevator is a key component. I need to see the contestants collapse against the wall sobbing in shame and disbelief! A long walk from the waiting room up some stairs is not going to hack it. Unless someone falls? Then I might be OK.

So tomorrow night prepare yourselves for the start of the 2 hour episodes. We will likely have those (excluding results shows) for a number of weeks until the contestants are cut down to Top 10. I am preparing myself to stay up past my normal bedtime to blog all about it.

SJ out.

AI Season 8: Hollywood Week Round 2

Welcome to the horror show that is group performance auditions. Group performances are my least favorite part of the regular season results show. These folks aren't auditioning to be part of a band, they are solo "art-eests" and don't play nice with others. Let's see how horribly wrong it can all go, shall we?

Ryan recaps that 40 contestants have bid adieu to American Idol and welcomes us to Group Round. The contestants are allowed to team up on their own (love it!) and have until the next day to come up with a routine. Quite a few contestants are left out on the cold including Tatiana (she of the mermaid dress and annoying laugh). Her teammates immediately peg her as a looney. And they are credited with massive amounts of intelligence by me.

Lauren, Jasmine, Rose (hippy girl whose parents died) and Bikini Girl are a group (Team Diva). Needless to say Rose is disgusted with Bikini Girl and she ratchets up in my estimation. Meanwhile Tatiana has her first of what is sure to be many meltdowns. She tries to get another group to accept her and pleads her case (to Team Compromise aka Nathanial, Kristen and Nancy). They are far from won over.

The more successful groups (or dumb ones) wrap it up and head to bed. What is sad is that so many more groups will be up until 3 or 4 AM and probably lose their voices as a result. The Tatiana drama continues and I'm completely bored with it. She needs to be cut, immediately. Team Compromise adds to the drama, noise and annoyance level. Multi-talented, aren't they?

Meanwhile Bikini Girl has a conflict with her group and retires to her room to cry. I feel no pity. Gay guy (Nathanial) from Team Compromise had a major meltdown and DH makes me fast forward the show because he can't take the annoyance any more. Don't worry, it's just more of Nathanial's meltdown and manufactured drama. 12 year old girls act better than these people.

Morning comes and Team Diva tries to track down Bikini Girl who wants nothing to do with them. Apparently sleep is more important than a shot at American Idol. Of course, she really didn't have a shot and Simon was just playing with her so it's probably for the best.

Will this agony of preparation never end? Shit, here comes Bikini Girl. Rose (who decides wearing her AI number in her hair is a good look) talks a good game but you know none of them will really confront her. Bikini Girl announces that the rest of the group needs to teach her what she missed. They get up and leave. About right.

30 minutes in and we finally get the contestants out on stage. Simon lectures the group that forgetting the words is a cardinal sin. He does it because he is right and because it freaks the hell out of the contestants. I like it!

Up first are India, Justin, Kris and Matt (White Chocolate). India does a little rapping. The group sounds good together and have a lot of energy. The judges respond favorably and all are through to Round 3.

Montage of bad group performances including bumbled lyrics. I forgot how they only get to choose from a couple of songs. The only notable updates here is that Jorge and Nick are through.

Alex, Ryan, Ann Marie and Emily are "Action Squad" and don't appear to have their choreography together. Individually they sound OK but as a group they can't harmonize worth shit. Plus there are forgotten words. Lots of forgotten words. Alex and Ann Marie are in and Emily and Ryan are out. Emily is crying as well she should but pretty graceful about the whole thing and recognizes at least that it was her own fault. Too bad she dumped her band and a European tour for this! Ryan claims Paula is the devil.

Montage of Simon's exasperation with the contestants. He should watch the "preparation" phase and really get a headache.

Danny, Jamar, Taylor, and some other girl (Rainbow Coalition) do a great a capella job with "Somebody". Simon tries to screw with their heads by calling Danny out but of course they all make it to Round 3. I am very much enjoying Danny and hope he isn't getting too much exposure in these audition rounds. Sometimes it can be the kiss of death. If you think back to past winners (or even late finalists) they tend to have not been featured extensively early in the season.

Jeremy, Adam, Matt Breitzle, Jesse Langseth are showcased as excellent singers and are all through.

Team Diva has appeared to kissed and made up (get your dirty minds out of the gutter!) but I am not hopeful. Lauren does OK as does Bikini Girl but I am so filled with hate I think everything she does is crap. DH comments, "She isn't even that pretty." Isn't he so sweet? Rose forgets the words and jumps around the stage like an idiot. Jasmine is the best. Simon asks them to point out why they sucked as a group. Lauren, Katrina and Rose are out. Katrina even poses when her name is called! No shame and Kara completely calls her on it. I feel bad for Rose but individual contestants can shine even if their group sucks. She didn't have the words or the confidence to pass through to Round 3.

David Osmond is also out as is Aaron (aka Class President) who is still OK because he's only 17. I remember when I was new and shiny and crap would roll of my back too.

Now Tatiana's team is up and they aren't so good. Anyone shocked? Well, you should be because the judges disagree and let everyone through. Tatiana is annoying in her happiness. Full on hate now. I am mentally bringing that bitch down! Simon better pay attention to my projected thoughts.

Team Compromise is the last group to go. Nathanial moved into my bad graces with his first audition so I am not expecting anything besides crappiness. Of course they pray to God because an almighty being is really invested in their success. They sing Duffy's Mercy. Nathanial is pretty decent, Nancy seems to come up with some kind of weird accent and forgotten lyrics. Kristen makes an effort but she's pretty tired and screeches some notes. Basically they are a mess. During the judging Kristen reaches out to Nancy but Nancy acts like the brat she is and shies away. The judges are a bit disgusted. Nathanial and Kristen are through and Nancy and her bad attitude are dismissed. Nancy blames everyone else but herself. As so many of these contestants do.

Blind guy is still in and I'm starting to wonder why they are hiding him from us. Are they trying to avoid overexposure because he really could go far? Hmmmm. Also still in is the kissing couple. There is a quick flash on Nick/Norman who also makes it through. Interesting that they don't feature him when he's is being "normal" don't you think?

Next week Hollywood Week continues with Round 3. The previews show Nathanial again and I can only hope that all this air time means he will totally crash and burn.

To recap my recap I am bummed that Rose is out and had my prediction of Emily as a Top 36 denied. And that's why Hollywood Week changes everything!

SJ out.

AI Season 8 Auditions: NYC and Puerto Rico

Ryan claims that West Side Story is the inspiration for the NYC and Puerto Rico combination. I think it will be suckiness. Let's see who's right...

Does Puerto Rico even qualify as a potential stream for American Idol? They aren't a state, don't vote and don't pay taxes. Ryan clarifies that it is a US Territory. Hmmm, does that mean they get all the benefits and none of the crap of being Americans? Someone please clarify.

Anyone else distracted by the boat bobbing up and down in the window behind the judges? At some points during the show it disappeared and also had people climbing over it. Can you tell it's going to be a boring episode if I am focused on such a detail?

In NYC first up is an overly confident immigrant who quit her job because she "just knew" she was going to Hollywood. Needless to say, she's terrible and won't take no for an answer. Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell try to smooth things over for her to get her job back. It works which is really more than she could have asked for.

We move over to San Juan for Jorge. The accent is throwing me but I am going to say gay and dorky are two good descriptors. He sings some Latin song that make it hard for me to tell if he's really good or just faking it. He switches to English and is still pretty good. He is put through to Hollywood.

Still in San Juan we join up with Jessica who forgets how old she is. She is not Latina and won a contest to be there. She brought some family and friends with her who seemed to be having a better time drinking than holding signs. Jessica funds her lifestyle with contests. That's some dedication. Good thing she has it because she is not going to Hollywood despite her begging and pleading. Somehow the judges telling her she sucks turns around in her mind to "I wasn't being myself." Got to love delusional people!

Montage of delusional contestants.


In NY we meet Melinda (22) who has a "message" for humanity. And that message is best communicated while dancing naked in her room. Or letting her girls swing free. Enjoy it while you can, they won't stay perky forever! DH kept hoping a boob would fall out of her neon pink dress. I think she's already embarrassed herself enough. She sings Feeling Good and is actually pretty good. But with the personal insight she provided in this audition tape she either won't make it past Hollywood Week or be knocked out very early once America starts voting. We don't like the crazy shit.

Jackie (NYC) is the obligatory rocker chick. I get a raspy Janice Joplin vibe from her speaking voice. Unfortunately she doesn't have any kind of singing voice and just talks her way through a Jason Mraz song. Simon calls her shit out and asks her to sing another song with some real melody. It is much better than the first and the judges are digging it. Simon almost gets brained by the light blocking glass but continues on like the professional he is.

In San Juan there is much less talent. Montage of terrible singers and rejections from the judges.

Montage of "energetic" singers from both NYC and Puerto Rico. Followed by "comedic" performances including the "Crazy Rocker" in San Juan. He comes out as an iPod and Simon is immediately disgusted. Need I even say that he's terrible? I think the majority of these auditions so far have been a waste of our precious TV time. Nick Mitchell was Crazy Rocker's NYC counterpart. And was just as effective. But twice as gay. He did get a good shot off about Simon and Ryan's relationship. The judges are entertained by him (except Simon) and somehow he makes it through. DH rolls his eyes in disgust and claims that Kara is ruining the show.

Montage of good singers including a couple that kiss in front of their golden tickets. I give that relationship one day at Hollywood Week.

Montage of bad singers.

Monique (16) from San Juan brings her 9 year old brother with her and for some reason appears to actually like the kid. Shouldn't she resent him for taking all of her parents' attention away from her? The judges are charmed by Christopher and let Monique warble through two songs. She's pretty good but far from great. She gets a pass through to Hollywood with the admonishment to pick better songs and be less cabaret.

The last NYC contestant auditioned last year. I vaguely remember her as one of the rocker chicks. She cursed a lot in her exit interview. Apparently now she has found Buddhism and works the waiting room like she's royalty. Why do freaks think that a brief appearance on AI means they are famous? The judges remember her and Simon looks suspicious. As well he should, she's just as terrible as last year. DH and I place bets on whether she will snap when she is told no. Simon called it horrendous and she flips them off for old time's sake.

The last San Juan contestant is Patricia who picks Whitney Houston to audition yet. She has a generically good gospel singer voice. I question whether she can sing quietly as well as loudly. Simon didn't think it was good and a terrible song choice. Simon gives her another chance and she signs some song in Spanish that is a bit better. Randy says yes, Paula says no (shockingly!) but she makes it through.

And so ends our auditions. 9 are through from Puerto Rico and 26 from NYC. That brings us up to 149 who will be joining us next week in Hollywood. Prepare yourselves for the drama, the tears, the back stabbing. This is American Idol.

SJ out.

AI Season 8 Auditions: Salt Lake City

Shout out to Natalie for reminding us that we get 3 nights of auditions this week and are on to Hollywood Week next week. Phew. I am definitely done with auditions.

Welcome to the capital of Mormons. I'm sure Helen could give you a whole sermon on the coolness of "sister-wives" but I don't watch Big Love and I think it's creepy. I don't know much about Mormons aside from the occasional knock on my door. Yes, I understand that "officially" monogamous marriages are endorsed. But there is a reason Mitt Romney had to keep justifying himself to America when he was running for President.

Salt Lake City is apparently the home of High School Musical 1-3. Is it sad that Paula is the one who knew that? And why didn't I? It looked more like Arizona to me. Paula is confident in the talent here. Randy Jackson didn't know what state it was in and I question whether he is eating enough to sustain himself. He's looking particularly svelte this season.

Up first: David Osmond, son of one of the original Osmonds. Like Donny and Marie, Alan Osmond decided a huge family was the way to go. Kind of sad that both David and Alan have MS. I wonder who is going to win? The blind guy or the MS guy...we need a Family Guy or South Park episode on that immediately. David sings a Christian Rock song (of course) and does a decent job. Apparently every male singer this season feels as though lots of runs and trills is the way to go. The judges give him a lot of constructive criticism which of course means he's in.

Next we are treated to a Gothic freak, Tara Matthews, who has decided that pouring her size 20 body into a corset and fishnets is a good way to go. She also has ESP so she should have known that coming in to audition would only earn her the ridicule of the judges and the audience.

Montage of really bad singers.

Chris and his friend, Greg the Rabbit, bring in some Simon love to Chris' audition. Kara rightly calls it weird. She was prepped for what auditions are like, wasn't she? After letting him sing two songs Chris is dismissed. But Greg gets a hug from Simon. In my opinion that makes it all worthwhile. I love you Simon!

Montage of rejections contrasted with the "niceness" of the potential contestants. I yawn, loudly. Ryan tries to stir up trouble by telling the waiting room to stick to their guns when the judges say no.

Single mom, Frankie Jordan (24) auditions. She does has an unusual tone that is reminiscent of Amy Winehouse. I like her and think she could easily pass through Hollywood Week. The judges are unanimous. Stay off the drugs, Frankie!

Megan Corkery is also a single mom. She tells us her sob story of her divorce (not surprising considering she is 23) and I am completely distracted by her arm tattoo. I get an old fashioned vibe from her voice as well and think she has some "chops." She could use some vocal coaching but could go pretty far. The judges are unanimous on her as well.

The judges have been using "different" a lot to justify their selections during these auditions. A word of warning. That was the focus of their search the year that Fantasia Barrino won. And we've all seen how that worked out.

Montage of contestants accepted through to Hollywood set to a David Cook song. Earn those royalties while you can!

Austin is 17 and the Senior Class President. This is a kid who has had everything handed to him on a platter. Is this is "adversity" that he can write about on college applications? He sings a Train song and is mediocre in the garage band way. He obviously doesn't have any training because he doesn't pull out the runs and trills so common in musical theater students. Simon let's him sing his second song and it's a little better than the first but not much. The judges are bowled over by his "aw shucks" charm and let him through. Looks like he needs to find something else for his essays. I predict Hollywood Week will break him.

Montage of crying rejects. Montage of bad singers.

Odd girl from Hawaii who moved from that tropical paradise to Utah so that she could get noticed. Utah? WTH? Only if she wants to get noticed to be some guy's fourth wife. Her parents must be crazy too. She is very tall which put me in mind of Jordan Sparks (Randy agreed). I am shocked by her good audition. I really thought they were going for the crazy edit. She is through to Hollywood.

Speaking of crazy. Our last contestant of the night is "free spirit" Rose (17) and her obligatory sob story. Why does AI do this every time? Can't we go out on a high note? Why does it always have to be death or illness or poverty? Jeesh. So we are prepped that she won't be a weird one but an actual contender. Simon loves her look immediately. Rose does a great job with a Carol King song. She does have some minor pitch problems but that could be easily coached. Needless to say, she is through to Hollywood.

Montage of golden ticket holders.

All told, 13 moved on to next week. That brings the grand total up to 114. Tomorrow night is NYC and Puerto Rico. Odd combination which makes me think it's going to be a train wreck. Perhaps they have plumbed the depths of NYC one too many times?

AI Season 8 Auditions: Jacksonville

Hopefully this American Idol recap is just as good and snarky as my previous posts. DH is flying back from Boston so I am watching this solo. That means I'm missing my sounding board for all my eye rolls and comments.

Even though I am still full from dinner I am all settled in with a bowl of ice cream and my handy remote. Commercials are no one's friend. Let the games begin.

We open with some old shots of Randy Jackson from his Journey days to introduce us to Jacksonville. Little known fact but I've been there. And it probably comes as no surprise that it was a boring visit. I am not expecting big things from Jacksonville. Once in the audition room I see that Simon is sitting on the camera left of the table and Randy on the right, opposite of their normal positions. It really threw me off. Apparently I need consistency in my reality shows along with my regular life.

Our first contestant is proud of comparisons with Season 1's Justin Guarini. Really? I think 2 people watched from Kelly to Justin (yes, Natalie, you were one) so I wouldn't be particularly proud. He decides to sing Marvin Gaye and he's actually pretty good. But the package is all wrong with the clothes and hair and vocal trills and hiccups. He is let through to Hollywood and hopefully goes to find a stylist, stat.

Sharon brought her cute dog with her. Of course the judges love the dog and I think she had a mediocre voice. But she's cute so Simon and Randy let her through immediately. Paula caved and said yes so it appears as though Sharon will be around next week. For a day or so at least...I kind of like how disgusted Kara is with the sheer maleness of Randy and Simon in some of their selections.

2 down and 2 in. Weird. I don't think that's happened before. That means the crazy should be ramped up next. The next girl wasn't completely crazy but had a terrible voice so she was out. Then was a cute African America girl with an over abundance of confidence for a nasally tone. Simon's comment: "Great smile but the voice is terrible." He then chastised her mother for encouraging the singing. He should have that conversation with every family member or friend of a rejected auditioner.

Miss Florida Latina USA belted out some Whitney Houston and I was fairly impressed. I was expecting her to be terrible. Wearing a tiara and sash does not typically result in a good audition. Simon was spot on with his comment that there was something off about this girl. Then she and Paula had a weird tete-a-tete and the judges passed her through to Hollywood. I feel like we are in Bizarro world tonight. What is up with this show?

Darren Darnell showed some dance moves before his audition that make me sure he was going to be terrible in front of the judges. He did not disappoint with his Boyz II Men rendition and his crying jags. Moving on we see a montage of disappointed hopefuls.

Last up on Day One was a girl who compared herself to Mariah Carey and suffers from some kind of spazziness. Somehow she managed to have Randy sit on Kara's lap and Paula on Simon's. But that was the total amount of entertainment once she opened her mouth to start singing. So the last audition of the day was a bust.

A total of 9 tickets were passed out. 94 total and counting.

We are promised heading into Day 2 that the talent will be much better. It can't be much worse. Randy and Simon are back in their regular seats and all is right in American Idol land. We meet a 16 year old Jasmine who comes with her mom and four sisters. And damn, they are some good looking women! She busts out some Fergie and totally nails it. I would be surprised if she doesn't do well in Hollywood. We'll see her next week and probably in the Top 20.

George, a Physics major, scares me immediately with his Grizzly beard. He is also shorter than Ryan which I didn't know was possible. I'm sure you will be shocked to hear that he was terrible.

Annmarie is 24 and loves Kara. Her adoration appears genuine and she has a great voice. Simon does nail it that she is lacking in confidence and he sends her out to find some and come back for a second chance. I am a bit annoyed at this ploy as she will obviously make it through with her talent. She throws on a little make up and takes off a jacket to show off her body. She sings a song I love ("Bubbly") and I am very excited about her. I like her modesty - it's a refreshing change from the hubris of all other contestants. The judges pass her through as well they should.

TK is back for a second year. He looks familiar but I don't really remember him from last year. He sings "Imagine" which he doesn't do as well as David A. did last season. But he does a nice job and has a good tone to his voice. Simon nixes him but the other three put him through to Hollywood.

Michael freaks out when he is told that he can't audition with his guitar. He stares at it during his audition so there is some kind of weird dependency there. I'm thinking a nice therapist can really help. He doesn't help himself with a terrible song selection. He is practically begging the judges for a shot and was correctly denied.

Another 7 for 16 total come out of Jacksonville. At 101 golden tickets we head to Salt Lake City tomorrow. The home of David Archuleta's enduring sweetness. I am bored with auditions now and ready for Hollywood Week. I know that Puerto Rico is still to come which means we have another whole week of this audition mess. I will give AI some editing credit with showing more talent than crazies this year. But the claim was the talent was so good they had to show more. Um, I'm not seeing that. Perhaps showcase a few more of the stellar performers? How about the rest of you? Are you still enjoying auditions or are you ready to get the show on the road?

SJ out.

AI Season 8 Auditions: Louisville

Te begin with, Paula looked fabulous in her blue top and coiffed hair during day one. Then she went slutty in day two auditions. That's about right for her.

I was able to take notes during these auditions so comments about contestants are in order of appearance.

First up was Tiffany. As Alicia Silverstone would say, she was a total Monet. But while I thought she got extremely ugly in her close up, her creepy daddy didn't think so! Good thing she had a back up plan. Although I doubt college will really result in any kind of career for her.

AI then threw us a bone with Joanna. Interestingly (or perhaps not) she went to LA when she was 16 and had a record deal with ANR. I'm going to guess she is the one who blew it, but Kara seemed to know/like her. DH and I both thought she was good but not fantastic. Of course AI could have clipped the "worst" section to show us in order to keep more in reserve. I can see the producers being tricky like that. She is also a total crier which means we'll see a lot of her during Hollywood Week.

Our next crazy is Mark Mudd. His story about the name Mudd is actually pretty accurate. At least according to my in depth knowledge from the last National Treasure move. With his bad teeth and Deliverance accent this guy was very creepy. He almost died 5 times, including two car wrecks. Any guesses for drinking and driving???

Another "good" contestant was Brent Keith Smith. His career was listed as traveling musician but he wasn't very good, IMO. Of course he has the "vibe" and "look" so he's through to Hollywood. As DH said after, "they are letting some shitty people through to Hollywood this year." He causes continuing conflict between Kara and Simon. Simon is loving pushing Kara's buttons.

The next guy, "Dueling Piano Player" kind of looks like a poor man's Justin Timberlake. Or "retarded" according to DH. Interesting voice but kind of "meh" in terms of talent. Simon compared him to Elliot Yamin (remember those teeth?!?) and he's through to Hollywood.

Ross, The Super Nerd: this is the type of person I went to college with. Think I'm kidding? Take a walk on the Carnegie Mellon campus and check it out for yourself. I know you will be shocked by this, but Ross? He wasn't very good. I give him major props for drinking out of Paula's water cup.

21 year-old stay-at-home mom. Really? Must be nice to have your ass supported like that. She has a very interesting voice for a tiny white girl. I assume her mom will be taking care of her daughter while she's in Hollywood Week.

Aaron - the "I'm so pumped" guy. Personally I find that to be annoying. His voice was equally annoying. The crazy thing is I think he would have been pretty good if he wasn't shouting the whole thing. No golden ticket for that crazy.

Another potentially good contestant was Rebecca who decided a single fingerless purple glove was the way to go for a fashion accessory. Very cute but no voice. Kind of a shame because before she opened her mouth I thought she would be good. The look on her face when Kara asked her if she was there as a joke was priceless.

Quick montage of really good people. Why couldn't we have seen more than that?!?

Aaaand, here comes the "sob" story. Apparently she was raised in poverty by a single mother. Doesn't this girl understand it will not beat the blind guy? When she said she was going to sing her own song I groaned. That never works out well and she was being portrayed as good in the editing. Turns out the song was cute and the judges loved her. She might be a contender for Top 10 but it's so hard to tell with the little snippets we get to see.

19 Hollywood bound contestants made it through from Louisville. Grand total? 85 on the road to Hollywood.

Frankly, not showing stellar auditions is making me not look forward to the rest of the season. My advice to AI is to show the great in order to get the audience excited. Because now? Not so excited. I can't imagine a better Top 10 than last year. I predict a mediocre Taylor Hicks type winner at this rate.

Next week, the auditions continue. I am hoping it's only one more week but I have a feeling there are two more before Hollywood Week.

AI Season 8 Auditions: San Francisco

There was a reason Ryan Seacrest could only come up with Katherine McPhee and William Hung as standouts from past San Francisco auditions. The talent? It does suck. But despite that, 12 forged on to Hollywood to join the 54 already through (27 for each other city). That brings us to 66 total. Considering I didn't see a single person who should make it past Hollywood, we can cross these 12 off our top 36 list now.

So William Hung represented the freaks who are only interested in air time. At least he was sweet. Some of these freaks were terrible. Katherine McPhee represents the "almost" quotient. Does that mean one of the Top 10 this year will also start in a Playboy bunny movie as a pregnant sorority girl? You decide.

A couple of standouts:

• Girl who was trying out for Miss America. She was just weird which was a shame because if she wasn't she would be pretty and have a real voice. I don't disagree with the judges decision to let her through, she can sing. But that laugh. God, it's terrible! And she is very American (accent-wise) but when she says her full name she's all about the trills and rolling r's. Needless to say, that's how she sings too. If she is a representative of Puerto Rico then I am not surprised that they had terrible auditions there (so I heard).
• Guy with the two cute kids. His name is Jesus, of course. There is something entirely right about that. And the guy is 29. How is that possible? Isn't 28 the cut off? Whatever. Jesus was not very good at singing (will God smite me for saying that?). Simon was dead on when he said he won't make it in Hollywood. But of course, he played the "look at my cute kids" card and got Paula, Kara and Randy to cave. Suckers. I don't plan on seeing anything of him during the clips from Hollywood week except for maybe a crying shot. Why do the judges give people like this hope? It's just cruel. I told DH that it would have been even cooler if he hadn't made it through and then had to explain to his kids that sometimes you don't get everything you want in life just because you want it. Life lesson, kids.
• Guy who takes care of his mother who has a "seizure disorder". He can't ever leave her? What kind of disorder is that? Don't they have medicare people who can come by and help him out so he can get out of the house sometime? Regardless, this guy is angling for a sob story and there is no way he is going to beat the blind guy. All the rest of the contestants should just pack up their sob stories and shove them. He wins.
• Adam from Wicked. I'm sure Natalie love him just for his association with that musical. He definitely has a stellar voice. But you know he is taking his last shot at American Idol (age is 26) because he never got a real recording contract while working in musical theatre over the past 8 years. I am holding out some hope he's not gay but kissing Paula's hand destroyed it.
• Crazy: everyone else. In particular is Akilah who got 10 minutes of screen time for her crazy. Why did Paula and Kara coddle her? Was it her strong grasp of anatomy that intimidated them? Oddly I had hope she could sing but the Internet can't teach you how to pronounce words or be a better singer. That takes talent and true learning.

So ultimately this was a terrible audition day. It was kind of a waste of an hour. How about showing us some real talent for a change? I also didn't really like seeing Kara and Simon sniping at each other. I do like that she has an opinion. But she is new and needs to settle down. I'm kind of liking her but will hold my breath for true love until Top 10. Regardless I assume she has to offer better comments than Paula's inane mutterings. DH is not liking Kara because, "Simon is the man". Yup, that's my husband!

American Idol Season 8 Auditions: Phoenix and Kansas City

The long lines.
The screaming fans.
The people with talent.
The people with crazy.

This is American Idol.

Ah, you've got to love auditions week. A few weeks ago I heard that AI was making some changes to their format. Everyone knows about the new judge, Kara. I'm still on the fence about her, but more on that later. The other changes I heard about were that more "good" auditions would be shown instead of bad and Hollywood week would result in a top 36 instead of top 24. Now last year I only started blogging at the top 24 but my fans (well, really fan - Hi Natalie!) have requested I start earlier. I can't promise next day recaps like I had last year because so much more happens during auditions and Hollywood week. But I should be back on that schedule by the top 24 at least.

I don't think that AI has been showing that much more in the way of good auditions. OK auditions, yes, but not necessarily good. There are maybe 4 or 5 people I've seen so far that I think "have the chops" to make it to the live sound stage. Yes, I am predicting that "chops" will be the word of the season.

The thing about American Idol that kills me every audition season is that so many people think it is going to change their lives. Really? Really, people? One person makes it a season. One. Odds are it ain't gonna be you. I doubt Sanjaya is making much money off his voice these days. And he even made it to the Top 10. I still don't understand how that happened...

That's the thing about American Idol that makes it so great. It is so very American. Yeah, I know there are many other countries that have it but let's focus on our country first. I've already mentioned the delusions. Americans are also willing to prostitute themselves (no, I'm not just talking about bikini girl) to get on TV. Of course the guy with the weird outfit singing to a banana is going to make it on TV. He and you both know he's pure comedy gold. Americans are also delusional. There really are people who think they have stellar voices. Um, OK. Just because your mom thinks you are good doesn't mean you are. And what's up with those family and friends who just know a person is going to make it? Reality isn't just a TV genre. The best are the people who think just because they have worked "so hard" they deserve a shot at Hollywood week. Puh-lease. If you really worked hard you'd be a welder instead of a kid who lives with his mom. Snap!

The first stop on the AI audition tour was sunny and hot Phoenix AZ. Did you know that this city is rapidly becoming the retirement capital of the US? Move aside, Florida! The baby boomers have no interest in living in the swamp with their parents. They prefer 100 degree dry heat. Ryan Seacrest opens the show with a montage from last season. Is it totally wrong that I recognized every single person show in those clips? No, I'm not obsessed.

AI decided to "reward" the audience with a first audition that was awful. I am immediately disappointed. Then we see the girl who will be DH's favorite if she make it to the top 12: Emily Wynne-Hughes. Rocker extraordinaire. I made fun of Carly for her tatts, I am not afraid to make fun of hers. She sings Barracuda and is quite good. Totally willing to dump her bandmates (and apparently they are pretty popular in LA so they will hate here) which is a good sign. Hollywood or bust!

Then we see a rocker wannabe. Dude is terrible and thinks just because he dresses all Axel he'll make it to Hollywood. Simon is quick to correct his assumption. He is quickly followed by one of those, "I can't believe he's only 16" vocal freaks that probably sings the lead in every high school musical. Simon loves him of course. And he immediately fades away in my mind. We'll see if he reappears after Hollywood week. I doubt it.

A couple more freaks come through (why do their families encourage them!?!) and Kara is showing her nice side. She hasn't been broken yet by the machine that is American Idol. Just wait until her favorites bite the dust during Hollywood week. How quickly things change! Don't get your hopes up on any contestant, new judge. They will all disappoint you some time or another.

The judges put through another cute, 16 year old (Arianna Afsar) and keep the hope alive that this time a David Archuleta will win. They then see the obligatory Kara D. fan that must be introduced just so the audience knows how awesome she is. I'm still on the fence, AI, don't push it! She seems normal at first but the pink cowboy hat and book of songs is a dead give away. Fortunately Kara is not swayed by her fan and she is denied. Not denied is another 16 year old named Stevie who seems pretty cool. She does sing the most overdone wedding song ever ("At Last") but she does it well.

Apparently this is the young/old season because the next contestant let through is a 27 year old who makes his living on an oil rig. Very cool. Interestingly I think it was the same oil rig that was featured on "America's Toughest Jobs". DH made me watch it, I swear. I feel kind of bad for this guy because he's not good enough to make it. He's just not. But his hopes are now up that he can quit his "fifth most dangerous job" and provide for his family.

And then we leave that sweet man to see the horror that is bikini girl. This is when I start to think I might like Kara. Now, I am not going to deny that this girl is hot. Although her body is a lot more hot than her face, IMO. But did she deserve a pass to Hollywood with her mediocre voice? No. But that's what happens when you give Simon the deciding vote. Kara is appalled and I applaud her attitude. Kara shows her how the song should be done and gets attitude in return. Now Kara can sing! Don't worry, the chickie will crash in Hollywood once she's wearing clothes and Simon doesn't remember her.

Also through is a girl who sings, "Let's Hear It For The Boy." As soon as she said she was going to sing that song I knew Brianna was in. I fricking love that song. Yes, I spent hours singing along to the soundtrack of Footloose. What girl born in the 1970s hasn't???

Some random girl who tries to adopt other people's families is through as is the scary effeminate boy who is also creepy but has a good voice. Then we see a smart contestant. OMG. A smartie! Of course Simon does not like that but this kid is so cute. His name is Alex and he sang in a closet until mold forced him out. What an engaging story. He could totally use that on his college essay. He totally riffs with Simon but not in that annoying "I'm trying to one up you" kind of way. He is through as he should be and I'm tentatively putting him on my list.

The last contestant is the ratings grabbing blind guy. And I have to say, he is totally inspiring. Obviously his parents did an excellent job raising him. Yes, now that I'm pregnant I'm all about praising the parents. He is totally through and I would be surprised if he doesn't survive Hollywood week too. No way he'll win the whole thing but America loves a sob story.

I'm exhausted, people. OK, on to Kansas City. This will be shorter as I'm only mentioning the people I really like or really hated.

Like:
Casey Carlson. Smoking hot, great voice. Totally in the Top 10. She's already being written about on TMZ. Always a good sign.

Guy who's wife died. I was totally prepared to roll my eyes at this one. Remember how they milked the dead dad last season? But it was his wife, y'all. It was touching. And he has a really nice set of pipes. I see him surviving Hollywood week. He kind of looks like Robert Downey, Jr., don't you think?

Girl who sang the song Simon wrote. He writes songs? Is there nothing this man can't do? Of course she was going to make it through, footprints or footsteps notwithstanding.

Guy with fedora. But he will be dropped early because is pretty high school musical.

Girl who takes care of her 93 year old grandmother. Adorable!

The dorky Anoop "Noop Dawg" who is a graduate student at UNC. He wrote his thesis on BBQ. What is cooler than that? Very nice voice but could use a makeover.

Asa who sang Michael Jackson and did it well even though it is so hard to sing Michael Jackson.

Girl with husband and three kids who's apartment was destroyed by a tornado. At least she wasn't all, "I deserve this because my life sucks." She wasn't as good as the judges thought, IMO, but I think they were worn down by the suckiness of the other contestants.

Hated:
Sleeping girl who used God as her vengeance. Really sleeping girl? Perhaps you should have practiced instead of sleeping. God will get you now!

Guy who had two cheerleaders. Plus he was totally cabaret. I hate when girls let themselves be used like that. Especially by gay guys.

Jason Castro's brother. Dude was not that good. He's only through because of his whole, "I only started singing 21 days ago BS." And he's very odd looking.

The guy who had a dream about Simon and basically bullied his way into Hollywood. Simon told the other judges they were "duped" and they totally were. Of course he let bikini girl through so he's not really one to talk.

That was exhausting, people. I'm not sure I can do this again next week, but you never know! Now that I'm feeling back to normal I could have the energy for note taking. What did you all think about the auditions. Any particular standouts for you?

I would ask you to reflect on the following: have we ever seen a winner come out of audition footage that airs during audition weeks? I don't think so.