2012 Goals

Seems like everyone else in the blogword is posting goals or resolutions for 2012 so I thought I'd play along. Y'all (I can say that since I live in the South) will need to keep me honest against the list. I'll do periodic updates.

1. Run a 10K. I already have one in mind for mid April. Now I just need to get back on the wagon for training. Fortunately I received a lot of cold weather running gear for Christmas.

2. Have family dinners. This must happen. I have the pickiest eater in the world and am hopeful that family dinners and a wider variety of food will help.

3. Take (and post!) more pictures. And try to be included in more pictures. I always seem to be the person on the other side of the lens.

4. Live in the moment (at least during vacations/trips). As a Type A person I'm always planning. Even when I'm on vacation I'm thinking about what needs to get done at work. I'm already stressing about being away during MLK weekend when work will be crazy. We are also going to Disney in late May and I need to be able to take deep breaths and just enjoy the trip for what it is, not necessarily what was planned.

5. Enroll Cameron in an activity. She will be 3 in late March so she can do ballet or karate at that age. I'm leaning towards karate since her BFF, Holden, would be up for that.

6. Do some small scale home improvement projects. Things like rearranging furniture or changing out pictures or planting new gardens.

7. Dip my toe in the broader job market to identify other opportunities. Despite giving me a promotion BigFinance continues to struggle with providing compensation increases and bonuses. It's time to throw off the fear of the unknown and see what opportunities are out there now that I have a total of 10 years of experience under my belt.

8. Have a yard sale. I am not 100% fully committed yet but it appears as though Cameron is destined to be an only child. Yes, I need to blog an entire post about how I feel about that. But I plan on being fully resigned post Disney and will then need to clean out all old baby stuff.

9. Create an estate plan and execute necessary paperwork. This would include a living will.

10. Read more non fiction books. I am an avid fiction reader but want to expand my horizons. Especially since raising a "bossy" kid is hard and I need to learn how to be a better parent.

I think my goals are doable, what do you think?

Keeping my head above water

BigFinance had layoffs this week. Again. They layoffs were primarily in my division and I personally know several good associates who were let go. This is a particularly hard time of year given the holidays.

While I am thankful to be still gainfully employed the reduction in resources has required me to take on additional tasks on top of what I picked up back in September which is also on top of my regular responsibilities. Needless to say, it's been stressful. I worked until 9 or 10 each night this week and should be working now.

I deliberately pursued BigFinance while I was in grad school because I wanted a good work/life balance. I can only hope that this situation is temporary and once my two big deadlines pass (12/6 and 1/13) my work/life balance can return to normal. In the meantime I am attempting to keep a few things top of mind and find a more zen-like state.

• Finding time for me. I got a run in yesterday and it was the first time in over a week. Considering I should be training for my 8K on Thursday (eek!! Thursday!!) that's not good. So I'm committing to myself that the computer can be shut down for an hour or two every couple of days so I can get a run in. And I refuse to feel guilty if it cuts into time with Cameron. Well, not too guilty anyway.


• Keeping the evening hours with Cameron sacred. Aside from when a run interferes I also plan on being present with the family in the evenings. Cameron goes to bed around 7:30 so there is plenty of time to get back to work after she goes down.


• Eating decently. It can be hard to keep to healthy eating habits when work becomes consuming. I plan to continue bringing a healthy breakfast and lunch to work each day with an occasional indulgence of eating out. I have, however, given myself permission to increase wine consumption.


• Embracing the holidays. Sure, I don't really have time to get any holiday shopping done but dammit, I love Christmas! So I will find time to put up the decorations, bake the cookies and wrap the presents. And also introduce Cameron to Santa and all the awesome family traditions.


• Finding the bright spots. Cameron has been so great with potty training. It's hard to believe it was just a week ago we started our quasi "boot camp" with her. She's been in underwear all week at school with only one accident there and two at home. Sure, she hasn't pooped in three days but I'm going to pass that off as a normal part of the learning process. She'll have to go at some point, right?

So that's my plan. I'll check back in and let you know if I'm succeeding. I'll also warn you that my blogging (which has already been irregular) will be even more intermittent.

Big trouble at BigFinance

Yesterday was a difficult day at BigFinance. Anyone who follows the news knows that my company (still attempting a little anonymity here) is attempting to right the ship with a combination of cost cutting and restructuring. I have been here for 4 years and in that time we've had "riffs" although they tended to impact contractors and not full time associates.

I am no stranger to layoffs. My first job out of school started in June 2000 at SmallResearch just before the Internet bubble burst. Needless to say it directly impact me given I worked for a company that covered Internet companies. I managed to survive 4 layoffs throughout 2000 and 2001. Probably because I was young and made little money. It's a good thing I did or I never would have met DH in 2002. Funny how things work out...but I digress.

So yesterday my team found out that there was an across-the-board reduction in workforce. The news was delivered well by my boss but there was a glaring absence in the audience receiving the message. One of my co-workers and key resource on my application had been let go. I feel very much for my co-worker. She is in her 50s and had just come back to BigFinance after a previous layoff. It's challenging enough to find a job in this economy but it's even harder for people who are later in life, despite a plethora of experience. It makes me think about where I will be in 20 years and if I will constantly have to worry about being on the chopping block.

For now I am safe. But that safety is a very transient feeling. I am of the opinion that you never really know you are going to get laid off until it happens. No good reviews or accolades from co-workers can save your position if money is on the line. So for now I extend my sympathies for co-workers who are no longer working with us. And I gear myself up for the next 4-5 months where I will be doing 3 people's jobs (did I mention that another resource found a new role and it was decided not to back fill? Good times.). Wish me luck.

Not enough hours in the day

My blogging has grown intermittent as of late, I know. About two months ago I started a new job and I am absolutely loving it. Great, right? The problem is that the quality and quantity of hours I'm putting in has increased dramatically leaving me a mushy brained woman at the end of the day and barely able to keep up with Cameron until her bedtime.

My morning routine starts at 6 AM. I usually sleep pretty well so I rarely need a full snooze to get my ass out of bed. While I'm showering, doing my hair (hot rollers if I shower the night before), putting on my suit and make up, DH gets up around 6:20 to get Cameron ready. We meet up in the kitchen around 6:35 and I start the car to get it warmed up while Cameron has a few muffins (she has been eating muffins for the past 4 months every single morning. OCD much?). Ideally we are in the car at 6:45 so I can drop Cameron off and get to my desk by 7:30. I am like a Swiss watch when it comes to the morning routine. I get stressed out when we are even 5 minutes late.

I work through lunch and have very little downtime for procrastinating which means I have to save things like online shopping, looking up stuff for personal reasons, etc., for the evening. Which basically means it doesn't get done which is why I haven't booked my tickets to Portland, ME for our 2 week summer vacation. Which is totally stressing me out because there are only two flight times and they don't work with a toddler sleep schedule.

I typically leave work around 4/4:30. I prefer 4 if I can do it because that gives me the option to get a run in before DH brings Cameron home from school. If I don't run then I have to pack my breakfast, lunch and snack for the next day. Preparing that much food takes time but keeps me on track with my weight. I also pick out my work outfit and hang it on the bathroom door. I have been doing that for years and it really saves time! Cameron is home by 5:30 and we usually play outside for 30-45 minutes before the rest of the evening activities occur.

Cameron's bedtime has been creeping towards 7:15 and I have a feeling that soon we will have a 7:30 bedtime for her. We still don't have family dinners so that means DH and I aren't eating until 8 or even 8:30 sometimes. But we haven't figured out how to prepare a family dinner and still get in quality playtime with Cameron before her bath/dinner/bedtime routine. Any advice from been there, done that parents?

Finally, my DVR is mocking me with the number of TV shows it has recorded for us to watch. We usually get one show in and then it's time for bed for this old lady...I like to be in bed by 9:30 with lights out at 10. 8 hours of sleep is a minimum requirement for me!

I feel bad sometimes because Cameron also has a long day at school - 7 AM to 5 PM. But I figure she gets a nap and is basically playing all day so how hard can that 10 hour day be?

I realize that my schedule isn't that arduous from a work perspective. I rarely have to work in the evenings or weekends and typically keep it to 45 hours a week. How the heck do parents who have to work longer hours do it? I'm tired all the time and I'm in the best shape of my life! How do other parents handle it?

miscelleneaous and 2 year stats

We ended up rescheduling Cameron's 2 year check up 2 times. First it was because I had a big meeting. Then it was because of a massive thunderstorm/tornado/hail incident that resulted in power loss at the doctor's office. Apparently third time is the charm because I just dropped Cameron off at school. The best part? No shots!

Yes, for the next two years Cameron is up to date on her immunizations (flu shot will still be a must) which makes doctor's visits so much more enjoyable for both of us. It turns out she has an ear infection and might have either viral pink eye or a sinus infection. So I'm off to the store to pick up her prescription in a bit. I'm just glad the pink eye won't require eye drops. Cameron has been such a pain in the butt that those battles would break me, I'm sure.

Cameron is 33 1/2 inches long (45%)
Her weight is 25.6 pounds (35%)
And her head is 48 cms (55%)

Unfortunately she is still in 18 month pants and I refuse (refuse!) to buy her shorts in that size. So I'll have to buy pants and shorts with the built in adjuster and pick up a belt too. Plus some dresses because those are easy.

Two other quick notes. Yes, I'm blogging in the middle of the day. How is that possible? My new job moved me off of a restricted server and I can now access blog sites again. Woo hoo! Hopefully that means I will be blogging more regularly although my new job is keeping me busy. The other item of note is that BigFinance has removed our ability to purchase through Amazon. Noooooooooooo! How on earth am I going to be able to get my Christmas shopping done? Or any other shopping for that matter? Apparently Amazon introduced a web storage capability that isn't completely secure and could result in compromising data. The site design does not allow for blocking this feature. Here's hoping that enough people complain directly to Amazon so they do something to fix it. We are 300K employees strong...unite!

New job, new Cameron adventures, house painting, oh my!

I have been woefully remiss in posting lately and I apologize. The craziness of my life has resulted in a complete shutdown of functions in the evening. Wine also helps that.

About a week ago I started a new job at BigFinance. Unlike my past 3 roles (4 if you count my internship) this one is directly related to my most recent job. What that means is I have hit the ground running with no ramp up time and a crazy amount of deliverables due in a short amount of time. It’s nice to already know the key players and the priorities of the organization but expectations are high for me which is a lot of pressure. My commute time is up about 20 minutes a day (because of when I leave and how much farther my parking spot is) and my work hours are also creeping up. It’s making me feel a bit frazzled but I’m sure it will be the “new normal” soon enough.

We have eliminated the high chair from our kitchen. Yay! It was a monstrosity and a pain in the butt to clean. Cameron loves sitting at the table but keeps telling me “sit down” and patting the chair next to her while she’s eating. Usually I use her dinner time to pack my lunch or get ready for the next day. But it highlights my thinking that we are just a few weeks away from pushing back her bedtime and having a family dinner. The biggest hurdle to family dinner is that sometimes DH and I just punt and make our own meals (frozen for me, pizza for him). Plus, we usually don’t eat until 7 PM so it would be a bit of a scramble to get dinner on the table at 6:30 PM. But, the benefits of getting Cameron to try new foods and have family time should far outweigh the drawbacks. Plus it means buying a new kitchen set which makes me happy. Any recommendations for a round table that you love? Must seat up to 6, please!

Cameron is still afraid of the bath but it’s SLOWLY improving. I bought an Elmo bathmat and bath crayons and markers to try and minimize her adverse reactions. I can’t wait until she goes back to wallowing in the water and refusing to come out of the bath. As opposed to her current 3 minute soap her up, wash her off and get out routine. Any other bribery items you can recommend?

We are painting our house. DH really took the lead on this by getting 5 quotes and calling references. We ended up going with a smaller firm and supposedly they will be done early next week. Craziness! It was a good time (price wise) to get our house painted because it’s still early in the season and painters are hungry for work. The biggest pressure was picking new colors. Don’t worry, I’ll post before and after pictures once it’s complete.

Static cling

What a week, my internet friends. I had my 2011 strategy planning sessions for two days, two work dinner events, a possible UTI for Cameron (negative fortunately), had Cameron sent home from daycare for a fever and I’m still recovering from my strep throat from last week which has meant a 9 PM bedtime and little time in the evenings for blogging. DH has been a champ, stepping up to handle the UTI doctor’s appointment and staying home with Cameron for most of the day yesterday. I ducked out of my planning session early to take the afternoon shift. Keep your fingers crossed for us that Cameron doesn’t get sick for the rest of the year. I’m more than out of sick time (we don’t really track it at BigFinance) and we have our big travel for the holidays. In the meantime, enjoy the effects of cold, dry weather and thin, fine hair.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Two things have been nagging at my mind that bring up the oh-so-relevant song from Miss “Crazy Hat” Aretha Franklin. Over the past two days Cameron has been spending a lot of time in the Toddler room. I’m actually kind of happy about that, despite a complete meltdown on Monday night due to tiredness, because Cameron thrives when she is with older kids. As I mentioned previously she is the oldest by a few months in the Waddler room which I think lead to some of the pushing and biting incidences. And not to curse it but those behaviors haven’t reared their ugly heads in about two weeks. I guess it was just a phase! I’m sure it will come back around again but for now I will revel in it.

When I dropped Cameron off this morning, she was happily saying “ma-ba” (aka her teacher Miss Melba) when I ran into the Assistant Director. Apparently a new Director has been hired but I haven’t met her yet. I stopped the AD as she was heading into the office. Here is a transcript of our conversation:

Me: Cameron has been spending some time in the Toddler room. That’s great because I think she really likes it but does that mean you are starting to transition her into that room? (Note: most kids don’t start there until they are at least 18 months, Cameron will be 17 months next week)
AD: We have visits of a few hours before we start the full Transition process.
Me: Well, I think it’s great that you are planning to move her over because she loves being there (Note: although I’m not sure that two days is a solid indicator) but is there some reason you didn’t talk about it with me and my husband before you started the visits?
AD: [silence]
Me: In the future I really need to understand when you are planning to make changes to Cameron’s daycare situation.
AD: [silence, coupled with a look that indicates I killed her cat]
Me: OK, well thanks for your time.

Really? Is my request so unreasonable? I think not. I confirmed with Miss Melba that a notice is SUPPOSED to go out when the transition process begins. I appreciate that the AD thought Cameron was just “visiting” but let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? DH and I should have been asked to come in, sit down and talk about the transition plan. Instead, there was silence. I was perfectly polite (IMO) in my interactions with the AD but I can’t excuse her for not following the process. She is the AD and although she’s been there less than 2 months she should know the process. Plus, the ratio goes up in the Toddler room and we’re supposed to get a reduction in tuition. Perhaps that’s why it’s been radio silence?

The other situation that I’m dealing with at work is my interactions with an administrative assistant who sits RIGHT NEXT to me. She doesn’t support my particular group but she does support a peer group. When I first arrive in my new space I tried to chit chat with her. No response aside from grunts. I assumed that was the way she was but then I hear her laughing and talking and being very friendly with lots of other people on the floor. I don’t talk too loudly on the phone, I don’t bring weird smelling food to work and I keep to myself. Is there some reason that this woman appears to dislike me from the very beginning? It’s a bit insulting to my ego because I’ve always prided myself on being very friendly and supportive of all layers of the organization, especially administrative assistants.

As anyone who works in a large (or even small) company can tell you, administrative assistants are the secret weapons. BigFinance is very complex and sometimes it’s hard to know where to go to get things done (ordering business cards, reserving conference rooms, etc.). That’s why I absolutely need this woman to like me. She is the only person who can book conference rooms on my floor. The rest of my team sits 14 floors below (including the admin) so if I need a conference room on my floor, she is it (a whole other rant on why we can’t book our own conference rooms…stupid bureaucracy). I hold the door for this woman, no response, not even a thank you. If I’m going to the kitchen or out to lunch I ask if she needs anything. A grunt in response.

Normally I would just let it go (although it does prick the ego as I mentioned before) but I need to get this woman on my side. So, dear readers, any suggestions on this situation or the daycare one? For daycare I was thinking about setting up time with the new Director but she started this week, so is that too early?

Updates

The summer is a tough time to blog, isn’t it? I find it hard to find the time. Although I do also have to blame the fact that I can’t blog at work anymore. True, there are the evenings but once bedtime and dinner are done DH and I usually watch a show (Leverage is a big favorite these days) and then I go to bed. I hope to post more regularly next week once we are on vacation but considering it’s a family reunion (33 of us!) I’m not sure how feasible it will be. In the meantime here are some updates.

I’m attempting to de-clutter. We must have 10x as much stuff as we did when we first moved it. A lot of it is Cameron’s of course but I still hesitate to sell her baby equipment. Instead I’m focusing on getting rid of clothes that are too dated or big (down 2 whole dress sizes so far – or is it considered 4 because of how women’s clothes are sized?) and crap that we haven’t used in more than a year. Included in that list are all of my MBA books. I figure that if I haven’t used them after 3 years at BigFinance I don’t need them and they are taking up an entire shelf in our library. I’m in a Women in Technology & Operations not-for-profit group at BigFinance and they are running a book drive. The goal is to collect books that will help women re-enter or enter the workforce. It’s a great idea and a great way for me to get rid of all of those accounting and finance books. I’ve made two trips so far with one more to go. Damn, those textbooks are heavy!

Cameron has started running. It’s not real running in the sense that she still doesn’t know that she should bring her knees up higher to get more momentum. But she is moving much faster now and with much more purpose. It also seems as though she has inherited my clumsiness. While running through the parking lot at the JCC she took a face planter. It resulted in a nice scrap on her face and her knee but they’ve mostly faded already. I find myself needing to grab her arm or hand to keep her moving at a more sedate pace, especially around sidewalks or uneven ground. The number of falls has increased dramatically over the past week. I only see that getting worse when she hangs out with her older cousins next week! And now I understand how so many kids get Nursemaid’s elbow.

The temper tantrums are back. They don’t usually last long but any little thing can set them off. Cameron usually plops down on her butt and then rolls over and moans and cries while kicking her feet. It would be funny if it wasn’t also annoying. The biggest driver of tantrums is if we take something away from her. We usually try to redirect with another more appropriate toddler item but Cameron wants nothing to do with “safe” toddler items. She wants to take everything out of mommy’s purse or wallet. Or basically play with anything that isn’t a toy. We aren’t planning to bring too many toys with us on vacation. Between us, my siblings and their 5 kids I think we’ll have enough to go around, don’t you? And why do I find myself still buying toys when she clearly prefers “real” stuff instead? I guess I’m just holding out hope that that perfect toy will occupy Cameron for more than 2 minutes and I can go to the bathroom in peace. Too much to hope for?

Work has been kicking my ass lately which is another reason I’ve been so remiss in blogging. I have been trying to get lots done before vacation. I am hopeful that by putting in longer hours now I can avoid anything work related while on vacation. I’ll still bring my Blackberry but will only check the urgent messages and then just pass them off to my teammates to follow up on. It doesn’t help that I’m also sick. I’ve got something sinus related and I’m pretty sure I can point the finger to Cameron for this one. It’s not as bad as when I had my sinus infection earlier this year but I still wake up with crusty eyes (no, it’s not pink eye, thank goodness) and sinus congestion. Cameron had the same thing about a week ago and she’s fine now. So here’s hoping I bounce back and can enjoy vacation to its fullest.

Have you noticed I mentioned vacation like a million times? It’s the first time DH and I have gone anywhere for vacation since last August. We took a week off in mid-December but it was a staycation. The logistics of coming up with a detailed packing list and then actually packing the car are obsessing us. We have a list of about 150 items that need to be packed. Guess how many of those relate to Cameron? If you said most of them you would be right. We’re bringing Charlie with us too since the rental allows dogs. It’s the first time he will be at the beach and we’re hoping he isn’t wimpy about it. But I’m not holding out much hope for that one. Wish us luck fitting everything in the car!

Holding pattern

I have been extremely remiss about posting lately. A major reason why is that I can no longer access any blog sites at work. I have been attempting to email myself posts but I haven't really felt inspired lately. The reason? I feel like we are in a bit of holding pattern.

We are waiting to hear back about a new daycare for Cameron. I think we'll get in but we won't know for another few weeks. Another upcoming event is our big family vacation/family reunion. T-minus 4 weeks and I am super psyched! Work is going well but I have to get a lot done before vacation as we have a big 7/9 deadline. Thinking about what to pack coupled with trying to enjoy the summer has resulted in far fewer blog posts.

Another big event on our horizon is closing our refinance on the house. The closing happens Friday and I am a bit nervous about it. On one hand we are reducing our interest rate by 1.5 points which is awesome. One the other hand we are going down to a 15 year mortgage. Eek! Needless to say this will increase our monthly payments but given the drop in value in our house we need to start building equity or we'll never be able to sell in the future.

Interest rates have been super low and it looks like they will stay that way for quite some time. Anyone else toying with the idea of refinancing? And can anyone else commiserate with buying a house at the peak of the market? And yes, I do count my blessings that we can afford our house and both (knock on wood) have stable employment. It just would have been nice to have timed the market a bit better.

Working in the big city: week in review

Today is the start of Speed Street in Charlotte. Basically the main uptown area is shut down and vendors set up booths for the enjoyment and commercialism of the Charlotte population. We'll probably check it out on Saturday with Cameron. In the meantime, I've decided to work from home today and tomorrow to avoid the hassles of traffic and parking. So while it hasn't officially been a week working from uptown I still wanted to share my thoughts about the changes in working at the headquarters and commuting uptown.

• Commute. My commute in the afternoon is much better than the morning. The reason being that I do Cameron's drop off. And of course the daycare is 4 miles in the exact opposite direction of where I need to be. So I am averaging about 45-60 minutes once I leave my house to when I arrive at work. That extra 15-30 minutes makes a big deal in how I feel in the morning. There are 3 ways I can get to my office from Cameron's daycare according to Google maps. And the commute time only varies by 1 minute for each route. There are lots of lights, idiot drivers and general frustrations that I remember from my days of commuting in Boston.
• Parking. I pay $115/month for parking now vs. $0 when I worked in the suburbs. Plus there is the extra hassle of navigating the parking structure. I've found my "spot" that will allow me to use walkways (once they open) when it rains out. Until then I brave the weather and the rain to walk the streets to my building.
• Dress. I work in the headquarters so most people wear suits. I don't mind as I have quite a few (although many of them need to be taken in - yay!) and it does make it easier to wear a kind of a uniform. I plan on working from home every Friday per usual but I have a feeling more business casual is acceptable on Fridays.
• Eating options. There are a lot more eating options within walking distance uptown. This has it's pluses and minuses. I went out to eat 3 (!) times this week. I tried to be good and stick to Weight Watchers but I have a feeling this week's weigh in will not go well.

My boss was in town from NYC this week so I got to spend some quality time with him. My project also utilizes Accenture and they have an office right outside of the uptown area that I can take a free trolly to. It's nice to be able to meet with people in person. Most meetings in my last role were conference calls and there is about 10% lost in translation when you can't look people in the eye.

Has anyone else made the transition from suburb to city while working? How did it go for you?

One other thing I would mention is that BigFinance has started blocking blog sites. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. I'm devastated. If I don't VPN in I can get to them but this means less flexibility to write and post my own blogs as well as respond to the ones I read. I think that this may be the biggest transition of it all!

The post where I admit I'm going to miss all those fire drills

For the past few days I have been officially splitting my time between my old job and my new job. The only problem? I'm finding it hard to really get into my new job. Partially it's because I'm still transitioning all my responsibilities (and multitude of issues) to other people so I'm spending more time on my old position than my new one.

I've also discovered that I'm an adrenaline junky. For the past 2 years (excluding my maternity leave) my calendar typically held 10+ meetings a day. I was required to multitask frequently and squeeze out major productivity in 30 minute chunks. And I got so much done. I had to mentally track all of the projects and dependencies and issues and be ready to address them on any and all of the meetings I hosted or participated in. Yes, we formally tracked that stuff to but I needed to remember everything and be able to call up the details at the push of a button.

My new role seems a bit more, well, relaxed is the only word I can think of right now. Very few meetings. A lot more individual thinking and work. I think it's going to be a great role but it is going to take me time to get acclimated to such a different style. And right now I find myself procrastinating because there isn't a lot of pressure to get tasks accomplished right now. No doubt that will change as I get up to speed and start carving out a niche. But for now....well, let's just say I'm spending more time on Facebook than I probably should be.

How about the rest of you? Do you find that the busier you are the more you can get done? When there is a lull is it hard to get motivated for the less urgent work?

Time to hit the road

Sorry I've been so remiss in posting lately. Work has been crazy and I also took the past two days off. It was wonderful to have two whole entire days to myself. Of course DH is happy I'm back at work because I did a lot of shopping over the past two days.

It's no surprise to the regular readers of this blog that I've been having some work challenges. That's a pretty inoffensive way to put it, right? More strongly worded language can be found here or here.

Just a short two weeks ago I ramped up my efforts to find a new position and it fortunately paid off in spades. Starting Monday I will be in a completely different division at BigFinance. Never have I been so happy to tell people that I am transitioning my current role over to someone else.

This is a lateral move for me but there is substantially more opportunity for career growth and title and pay increases. I'm looking forward to the challenges that come with starting a new job: Learning all the new players. Figuring out how to really get work done. Learning how to manage my boss. Etc.

Another big change for me is that I will now be commuting to uptown Charlotte rather than out to the suburbs. This will require me to pay for parking but overall my commute should be reduced by about 10 minutes. Another plus is that there are a lot more eating options and a lot more colleagues and friends who work uptown so I can socialize more with lunches or after work events.

I am not really clear yet on what my new role is but I do know that I am ready for a change. I am very happy that I work for such a big company that supports a fluid workforce and is focused on promoting talent. Of course check back with me in 6 months and I could be bitching again. But hey, that's life!

Tuesday Thoughts

Cameron has decided that hair clips are not for her anymore. Every time I put one in to keep her hair out of her eyes she reaches up and pulls it out. Looks like we are relegated to Pebbles style ponytails until she stops being so stubborn.

Houston, we have another molar coming in! Cameron woke up wailing at 8:30 PM last night and we had to douse her with Motrin and I sat with her on the floor of her room until she whimpered herself into sleep. I would have sat with her on the rocking chair but she wanted nothing to do with the soothing motions of a chair that would allow my ass to be cushioned while trying to get her back to sleep. At least she didn't want to stay up and play. The poor thing was so tired that she draped herself over my leg with her head on the ground while I rubbed her back. 1.5 molars down and 2 to go (with many more in the future). I'm not sure DH and I will make it!

The light bulb in one of our lamps in the TV room went out and we replaced it with an energy friendly CFL. We are not quite as aggressive about saving the planet as my friend Amanda's family but we try to do a bit. The only problem is that the light is so dim that it doesn't even give off enough light to compare it to a nightlight. Looks like we need to dig up some 100 watt versions and just bear the expense.

I've been tossing and turning until 12 AM for the past two nights. Lots going on with my current job, interviews and not enough time in the day to get real work done. Plus I am finding myself working much longer hours which means less quality time with Cameron. Instead of picking her up at 4:30 we've pushed it back to 5 PM. Partly because she no longer needs that short nap before dinner and partly because DH and I are swamped at work. That means Cameron is in daycare from 7:15 AM until 5 PM. That's a long day! For parents with kids in daycare, how long is their day?

Please wish me luck for a few interviews I have today and tomorrow for some great new opportunities at BigFinance. I even plan on wearing make up (ooooooh) because of how excited I am about career possibilities.

Wiping away the debris of the week

Thank goodness it’s Friday. I had planned to take this afternoon off because I’ve been working long hours at a frenzied pace. Alas, the calendar conspired against me and I am in meetings until 4:30 PM. But I am feeling much better today about work than I have all week so I don’t mind too much.

Yesterday was a whirlwind which included an interview for a new position. The executive and I hit it off and pending the results of some follow up interviews and other opportunities I am exploring the end is in sight for my current role. Just in time for all the heavy lifting to be completed!

Cameron has been absolutely wonderful except for Monday when she was really suffering from having her first 1 year molar come in. But she was her normal cheerful self on Tuesday. While brushing her teeth I confirmed my suspicions and found her first molar. Cameron is still missing one of her bottom 4 teeth that normally come in first and I can feel some swelling in that area as well as her other bottom molar area so we might be battening down the hatches this weekend and stocking up on pain medication. I hope not because it’s supposed to be beautiful here this weekend and we have our last swim class tomorrow.

There haven't been great strides (heh, get it?) in the walking department. Cameron will still take a few steps on her own if encouraged but she would prefer to hold on to something while walking. I can't tell if it will be a gradual process with her or if one day she will have a major breakthrough and we'll be chasing after her all the time. Any predictions?

I know I have been horribly remiss in posting photos (sorry, Mimi!) but I haven't been whipping the camera out as often and the shots I do get tend to show Cameron looking strange. But I will commit myself to getting at least a few good pictures this weekend so I can share the cuteness that is Cameron. In the meantime, enjoy your Friday...I know I will!

The post where I want to whine but you probably don't want to hear it

But it's my blog right? So consider yourself warned if you click on the title of this post. It's only 11 AM and I've already contemplated running to the bathroom to indulge in a deluge of self-pity tears. I was venting to my sisters on the phone this morning while driving in (3 way calling was designed for triplets) about how much of a wimp I think I am when it comes to dealing with stressful and argumentative work situations.

I told my sisters I would be stronger today. I wouldn't back down. I would marshal my facts and my figures and I would stand strong. I knew it was going to be a tough morning but I didn't anticipate it would start at 8 AM with someone yelling at me about the financials I put together because they thought it was too expensive. I consider myself a strong woman. I don't like to take crap from people, I am assertive in my personal and work life. But I also don't like confrontation. My sister, A., said, "No one likes to get teary and shaky." And that was spot on. I do find myself teary and shaky when I end up in these situations. I held it together at that 8 AM call and again at 8:30 and 9 AM where I got yelled at some more. But now all I want to do is go home and hide under the covers and hope that tomorrow is better.

Deep breathing helps. The fact that I am jumping from meeting to meeting with no real time to decompress doesn't help. Also not helping is that I feel like I am blowing in the wind when it comes to handing this difficult internal client with little support from senior management. Have I made some mistakes? Absolutely. But I am trying my damnest to handle unreasonable expectations and time lines with no relief in site. My boss is very understanding but the last thing I want is to break down in tears while talking with her about the pressure. But I do need to vent....so I turn to the Internet.

I need to learn how to handle pressure situations better so I don't feel teary and shaky multiple times a day. How do you handle stress at work? Have you ever found yourself sniveling in a bathroom stall?

Friday Frustrations

Writing a blog is supposed to be cathartic, right? Well, let's give it a shot and see if I feel any better after I lay my current woes out on the blog-o-sphere, shall we?

Work is kicking my ass right now. It's a combination of things but mostly that I'm dealing with an unreasonable set of people that delight in micromanaging and belittling me. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I routinely walk away from meetings with metaphorical bruises. I can't say I enjoy listening to the diatribes of people who don't understand the processes that BigFinance Technology has in place. They want what they want, and they want it now. And if I say even one thing that doesn't kowtow to their expectations then I get to listen to f-bombs being dropped left and right. Should I read something into it that most of these people are New Yorkers? No one I work with in Charlotte swears like a truck driver. And of course, if it isn't obvious, they are all men.

In general I like my job but lately I am feeling completely worn down and demoralized. I can't fall asleep at night. I lie awake thinking about the shit I'm going to have to deal with the next day and the day after that. I'm fairly low level in BigFinance. How can I not be with 250,000 other associates? I know that there is crap going on at a much higher level than me that I'm not clued in on. But I'm the "face" of this portion of the project. I know it more intimately than anyone else. But when I go to senior management for direction it is of no help. I'm also struggling because I'm a bit of a poseur. I'm not a technologist. I'm not a network engineer. There are a lot of smart people I work with but I never claim I'm a subject matter expert. I've picked up a fair bit but I pull in the engineers when I need to validate or justify a technology decision. I'm excellent at program management and problem resolution. But somehow with this project I feel like I don't have a leg to stand on because I'm not an engineer. The clients that I'm working with are bullies and I'm struggling with how to tame them.

I've been actively looking for a new position but given some major organizational changes there haven't been many openings. I guess I just have to suck it up for a couple of more months. There is always the weekend, right?

Last week a house went up for sale on my street. It's the first time a sale has happened since we bought our house 3 years ago. At the peak of the market. This house is fairly comparable to ours. Same number of bedrooms, baths, and about the same square feet. Unlike our house it doesn't have a garage, it's landscaping sucks and it is much closer to the end of the street, hence close to the busy crossroad. I haven't been inside yet (waiting to be a looky-loo at the open house) but according to the listing it needs TLC. Read: carpets over hardwoods and no updates.

The problem? It is listed for 33% less than what we bought our house for. 33% is such a big number. Even if you account for the factors I listed above, there is no way that we will see an appreciation for our house in the next 10+ years. It's not that we plan on moving anytime soon. It's just that so much of our income goes into the house. I guess we are living the new American dream of an over/under real estate situation. And my dream of house in a few years with an open floor plan is on hold. Can anyone else commiserate?

OK, I do feel a bit better after writing all that. But warm and fuzzy thoughts from my readers would still help!

The sign of a disorganized mind

I have been doing a lot of thinking about work lately. I've mentally composed and discarded several blog posts about it. Mostly because I don't want to cross any potentially hazardous lines in talking about BigFinance but also because my mind is a whirl and it's hard to concentrate. I pinpoint my issues to one thing: my email inbox has become unwieldy. And that means my job has become unwieldy. I like to file emails and keep everything nice and tidy and up to date. If I have more than 30 active emails in my inbox I know that the work is piling up. And I've hit well over a hundred.

I'm sure many of you are snickering at my email numbers (yes, Mommy, Esq., I'm looking at you!) but to more than triple the number of "active" things I'm following up on means that my mind, like my days, are just spiraling out of control. I think things would be better if I was able to execute on my projects. But we've been in the planning stages for 9 months and every time it looks like there is a break through another problem pops up. I do not exaggerate when I write that not a single piece of the work I'm doing has been easy. Usually there are one or two quick wins that can help boost me through bad times but not for the past 9 months. And that is a long time to go in being frustrated.

I'm also struggling with figuring out my career path within BigFinance. I may have mentioned previously that I am in a rotational program. It is ending in July so I need to figure out if I should stay in my current department or target a new role. I have an offer on the table but it doesn't appear to be the best fit. A lot of uncertainty with the role and very little upside. Plus it's the first job I've interviewed for and I plan on being very picky in finding my next role. How about the rest of you? How have you plotted out your careers? Have you just fallen into roles or was there deliberate thought and action?

The post where I wonder how WAHM can also be SAHM

In case some of my readers aren't up on the lingo WAHM stands for Work at Home Mom (not to be confuse with WOHM "Work out of Home Mom") and SAHM means Stay At Home Mom. I prefer to be known as awesome.

Yesterday Cameron was home from daycare with a double ear infection. Yup, DH and I thought it might be pink eye but lo and behold it was really the ear infection. My sister was incredulous that we had no idea. "You mean she didn't wake up during the night multiple times?" Nope. That's not how Cameron rolls. But we did know something was wrong so off to the doctor's DH went with Cameron. Diagnosis in hand we decided to keep her home for the day so she would nap better and recover more quickly.

Unfortunately neither of us could take the day off of work. DH's calendar was a bit more flexible than mine but I had about 5 hours of conference calls where I was an integral component. So not only did I have to have my headset on for most of the day, multitasking was absolutely out. It worked out OK but I was pretty stressed for most of the day even with DH shouldering the heavier load with childcare. And Cameron napped for about 5.5 hours total. All in all it should have been a piece of cake but it was still stressful. I could never really concentrate on Cameron when it was my time to care for her or work when I was supposed to be herding cats on my conference calls.

As I lay on the couch in exhaustion catching up on the 8 (!) episodes of Fringe we have saved I wondered, how do the women who work full time jobs also juggle being the primary care giver during the day for their kids? I don't mean freelance work which can technically be managed in "off" hours (although talk about tiring!) but a 9-5 job. I met one woman at BigFinance who told me proudly that she was going to be working at home while watching her 6 month and 5 year old sons. Really? I'm sure that worked out fabulously.

I have an exceptionally happy, long napping baby and there is no way in hell I could do it for more than a day. And that was with DH. I worry that technology has allowed us to juggle too many things. I appreciate the flexibility from BigFinance and the technological tools that allow me to work from home at least once a week. But when I work from home, I work from home. Sure, I might throw in some laundry or run an errand or blog but my time and attention is focused on work.

What do the rest of you think? Totally possible to juggle a full time day job and caring for kids? I assume that it would get easier as the kids get older but I would think that 0-6 is the hardest.

PS - Cameron is doing totally great today and didn't even glance at me as I waved goodbye after dropping her off at daycare. And I am happily ensconced at my desk slogging through email.

Tuesday randomness

Yesterday Cameron's daycare was closed until 9 AM. I am still flabbergasted that a minor ice storm (aka wintery mix) on Friday night resulted in a complete shut down until today. At least I was able to get Cameron to daycare at a reasonable hour and could chug through the rest of my work day. Many other parents weren't so lucky. Question for my readers, how do you decide who stays home with your kid(s) when they are sick or daycare is closed and you both have to work? DH and I have been trading off depending on work schedules. But we both hope it is a rare occurrence in general.

My friends know how much I love a "meet cute" movie which is why Lifetime is such a good movie channel for me. DH makes fun of me constantly for it. Usually I don't tape the Danielle Steel or other crime/romance stories but I love, love, love the contrived work/romance situations. The required ingredients include: couple meets cute, series of misunderstandings, multiple montage scenes, some kind of big speech, and happily ever after epilogue scene. If I'm really lucky then it also includes a dance scene. Movies that fall into this category include: 13 Going on 30, The Cutting Edge, Enchanted, etc. So I was thrilled to come across a commercial for Lying To Be Perfect. Before you ask, I only see these commercials during Project Runway or re-runs of How I Met Your Mother. If you like cheesy movies as much as me I recommend you add it to your DVR list. Totally cute!

I'm about halfway through a great book about kids and eating that Laura recommended: Child of Mine. It's already helped re-adjust my mindset about feeding Cameron. The biggest takeaway for me? Cameron is responsible for eating. Yup. Seems like common sense, right? But between breastfeeding, pumping, bottles and all the rest I ended up in a bad place thinking that I needed to be able to control how much and when she eats. Now I know better. So thanks to Laura for her recommendation!

I recently opened a savings account with BigFinance. DH and I already had a checking account but because of a few special offers and other considerations (despite a piss poor interest rate) I decided to open a savings account too. When I set it up online I didn't have DH's social security number handy so I opened it by myself and planned to add him later. The catch? I can't just add him online or through the phone. Nope, they have to mail me a form that we sign and send back and about two weeks later he can see the savings account information online. I'm also annoyed because they sent me a separate ATM card. Um, why can't it be linked to my current checking account? So I have to carve out some time to call and figure it all out.

In good bureaucracy news I receive my new passport. I think it took about 3 weeks total between mailing the completed form and receiving my new and old one back. So I have to give it up to the US State Department. Good job guys! Now if I have to flee the country I don't have to file for an expedite. Question: have any of you gotten passports for your kids? How does that work? I assume exactly the same way but it expires faster?

Enough randomness for the day...I'm off to go wrangle BigFinance. Wish me luck!