Recommitted to running

I've been a little lazy with my running routine post Warrior Dash. For basically the past two years I have been focused on losing weight, exercising and maintaining my weight loss. And it got a little old. So I was only running 1 day a week and taking a spinning class every Sunday. I did keep tracking my WW points (mostly) but the exercise really fell by the wayside. It was still way more than I used to do (which was nothing) but a few pounds have crept back on.

Enter the Race for the Cure last weekend. I actually trained for it; running every other day for over a week. And I posted my best time ever (38 minutes) for a 5K. The result is that it complete re-motivated me to get back in the groove with training.

So my big game plan? Run an 8K. I'm kind of nervous even typing that out. 5 whole freaking miles. The race day is Thanksgiving day and I've signed up for another 5K for the end of the month to keep me motivated. Having goals to work towards is definitely something I need or I slack off. I'm also planning to run a 10K in the Spring but know I need to be running 4+ miles consistently to get to that point.

If you told the "old" me I would want to be a runner I would have laughed in your face. Now I feel great after a run (tired, but great) and know I'm making myself healthy. And also banking those calories for wine :-)

If you are a runner do you need regular races to stay motivated? Do you listen to music or are you a NPR junkie like me? And what are your recommendations for cold weather gear? This is my first winter as a runner so I need advice.

2.5 is kicking my parenting ass

Warning: Brutally honest parenting post lies ahead.

I completely lost my shit this weekend several different times with Cameron. I am not alone because DH did as well (we seem to trade off being the "calm" one) but it is making me feel like a parenting failure.

Cameron just won't listen. She also displays Jekyll and Hyde tendencies which doesn't help things. Perhaps if she was being a little brat all the time I could handle it. But she swings widely from happy, helpful child to willful, screaming, crying beast.

We can't take Cameron out for more than 15-20 minutes or a tantrum will result. I feel like any of the progress we've made over the past year has disappeared. The thing that really drives me batty is that Cameron knows better. She is old enough, verbal enough and cognizant enough to understand that she is being bad.

I feel like I tell her to do things fifteen hundred times before she'll do it. She just doesn't freaking listen. And yes, I wanted to use the non-PC word in that previous sentence but I'm trying to increase my willpower. We were in Target yesterday and I told Cameron that I was sick of her shit. Yup, I swore at my child. I then bodily picked her up and carried her out of the store and threw her in her car seat. And of course, because I wouldn't let her buckle her own belt I had to hear Cameron piss and moan and cry all the way home. Which was an excruciating 15 minutes.

I'm kind of at my wits end because I feel like this behavior has just kind of sprung on us the past few weeks and I am not handling it well. None of my normal parenting tactics: reasoning, time outs, bribery seem to be working. So, any advice for me? Or commiseration? At least tell me this is just a phase!?!

Cameron being helpful in one of her increasingly rare "nice" period.

We see this expression a lot. Cameron saying "no", sneer of disdain on her face.

This might be the photo I use when put up a "For Sale" sign for her. Kidding. Kind of.

How did this happen?

How exactly did this baby

Turn into this little girl?

As of today, Cameron is 2.5 years old. And she is growing up far too fast for my taste!

The rules go out the window

This past weekend I was solo parenting while DH was in Connecticut for a college friend's wedding. I had 48 hours to fill with Cameron. Normally that's not a problem but we are between kid activities, I'm a bit depressed post BigFinance layoffs and all I wanted to do was veg out around the house. My solution? Throw out all rules and get through the weekend.

Here are some snippets from our time together:

• Lots and lots of television. I think we watched Tangled about 8 times and I even let her pull out her travel DVD player so I could watch football and HGTV yesterday. OK, you got me, it was more like watching Millionaire Matchmaker and occasionally checking in on the score.


• Let her eat crap. I dug into the "only once a month" type of snacks and drinks and let Cameron go wild. She even had two juice boxes yesterday (the horror!).


• Convinced a friend (begged really) to come over for a many-hour play date on Saturday. It resulted in every single toy being pulled out, played with for 5 seconds and discarded but at least Amanda and I got to catch up.


• Put a pillow over my head. Cameron decided on Saturday that 6 AM was a good wake up time. I managed to hold her off until 6:30. On Sunday it was 5 AM when she started calling for me. I closed my door and put my pillow over my head. We had breakfast at a much more respectable 7 AM.


• Bribery. I had to do a Target run for essentials. So naturally I stooped by the One Spot and picked up a few things for Cameron to keep her entertained.


• Forgo bath time. Typically we bath Cameron every other day but somehow I missed Saturday's bath. I took her to McDonald's (or as Cameron calls it, "Old McDonald's) and by the time we got home all I wanted was to put her to bed and pour a glass of wine.


• Didn't push potty training. Ironically this stance kind of backfired on me because she ended up going like 10 times over the course of the weekend which was good because we've had a regression lately with the training efforts.


• Let the house become messy. I did pick up post play date (only because otherwise I couldn't have walked through the house) but otherwise I did the minimal amount of housework I could get away with.

We survived and Cameron was very happy to see her daddy on Sunday evening. He even did bath time and bedtime for me so I could relax. And now we are back to our normal routine. So, what do you do to cope when your partner in crime is away?

Big trouble at BigFinance

Yesterday was a difficult day at BigFinance. Anyone who follows the news knows that my company (still attempting a little anonymity here) is attempting to right the ship with a combination of cost cutting and restructuring. I have been here for 4 years and in that time we've had "riffs" although they tended to impact contractors and not full time associates.

I am no stranger to layoffs. My first job out of school started in June 2000 at SmallResearch just before the Internet bubble burst. Needless to say it directly impact me given I worked for a company that covered Internet companies. I managed to survive 4 layoffs throughout 2000 and 2001. Probably because I was young and made little money. It's a good thing I did or I never would have met DH in 2002. Funny how things work out...but I digress.

So yesterday my team found out that there was an across-the-board reduction in workforce. The news was delivered well by my boss but there was a glaring absence in the audience receiving the message. One of my co-workers and key resource on my application had been let go. I feel very much for my co-worker. She is in her 50s and had just come back to BigFinance after a previous layoff. It's challenging enough to find a job in this economy but it's even harder for people who are later in life, despite a plethora of experience. It makes me think about where I will be in 20 years and if I will constantly have to worry about being on the chopping block.

For now I am safe. But that safety is a very transient feeling. I am of the opinion that you never really know you are going to get laid off until it happens. No good reviews or accolades from co-workers can save your position if money is on the line. So for now I extend my sympathies for co-workers who are no longer working with us. And I gear myself up for the next 4-5 months where I will be doing 3 people's jobs (did I mention that another resource found a new role and it was decided not to back fill? Good times.). Wish me luck.

Nothing like a little love to make you feel better

I am working from home today recovering from a 24 hour bug that laid me low all day yesterday. This is the first time I've been sick since Cameron has become so aware and so verbal. I will detail a two of our exchanges below.

Me: Mommy's not feeling good so why don't we watch some TV? (Desperately keeping her occupied while DH took an evening work call.)
Cameron: Your tummy hurts?
Me: Yes, my tummy hurts.
Cameron: I give you hug!
She proceeds to give me a big hug and put her hand on my forehead to check and see if I have a fever (DH had done the same thing earlier).

This morning I had enough energy to drive her to school. As we were getting in the car:
Cameron: Your tummy hurts?
Me: Mommy is feeling much better and I will be going into work tomorrow.
Cameron: You wear make up and go to work?
Me: Yes, I will weak make up and go to work.
I just about lost it. Apparently sick, plain faced Mommy offends her aesthetic senses.

Karma or coincidence?

A few days ago I mentioned to my husband that I thought it was odd we had never been called for jury duty in the 4+ years we've lived in Charlotte. Particularly because we both regularly vote and I've heard that it is through voter registration that jury duty selection is made.

I got home from a run with my friend Amanda yesterday. As I sat down to chat with Cameron and DH he pointed to the kitchen counter.

"I blame you for this."

I got up to go and look. Yup, my husband has been summoned to jury duty on October 11th. Weird coincidence, right? Or is it?????

I've never served on a jury but my mom was on one years ago for a first degree murder trial. Most jury duty stuff tends to be boring but every once in a while....my mom was even sequestered for a day or two! Have you ever been on jury duty? Was it boring or a good case? And what was the verdict?