American Idol: Hollywood Week Group Auditions

Contestants rightly hate this portion of the auditions. Frankly I don't understand why the producers insist on it. After all, the only group portions of the regular show are disjointed and lack any kind of real choreography. Plus if the judges like you then they will pass you through anyway. So really it is just the contestants on the line who are up for cutting.

Starting the round are 96 contestants who get to self select groups. Really it would be better to have random assignments. It might save us, the suffering audience, some of the drama. Adding insult to injury they also have to come up with group names. I had flashbacks to RA training. This shit is so juvenile.

Ryan introduces us to a few groups that are guaranteed to provide drama. We witness no real leadership, arguments over songs and lots of pandering to the cameras.

I'm going to be honest hear and write that Ryan throws out a lot of names in a very short amount of time so I find it hard to keep track of who is who. So let's just roll with it, shall we? Mary Powers steps up to try and take control of her group. She's a bit bratty about it but at 28 she's a decade older than most of the others so I can appreciate her frustration. After wasting a lot of time they decide to go with a group of 5.

Contestants whine about not having appropriate practice space. I feel zero sympathy. Don't they have hotel rooms?

Big Mike and Team Awesome appear to have their shit together. His wife is also the most understanding woman in the world as she labors along.

Contestants whine about how late it is and how tired they are. The vocal coaches make their onscreen appearance and seem to help more than hinder.

Coming back from the break, Ryan welcomes us to the early morning practices. Some contestants seem energized and optimistic. It won't last. Guaranteeing the slide into chaos are snippets of contestant forgetting the words.

Mary Powers whines that she's not having fun. She is rapidly slipping into annoying territory for me and I wouldn't be sad to see her go. Given the amount of airtime she's getting I will place odds that she is not one of the Top 24. If she was, the producers would be showing her in a much better light. Alternatively, Big Mike gets a Vaseline focused camera angle and lots of love from the editors. Apparently he is helping to talk his wife through the birth of his daughter. I doubt it helps his wife very much.

Family drama done, the group auditions start with Faith. They are a small group of three and harmonize pretty well. DH predicts Ashley will be in the Top 10. The entire group breezes through.

Team Awesome also does a good job but Ryan makes us wait until after the break to find out that Big Mike and Tim Urban are the two who make it through. I don't have to wait because I have a DVR. Suck it, Ryan! We see a shot of Big Mike's daughter and she is very cute with a full head of hair.

Team Neapolitan sings Lady Gaga and Destiny's Wild throws a bunch of bitch faces around because Team Neapolitan "stole" their idea. Up next, is Destiny's Wild and I have to admit it looks like they are third rate compared to Team Neapolitan. I'm sure they were frustrated which didn't help. But the judges seemed to like it so both groups make it to the next round.

Montage of good performances. At this rate the judges won't be cutting very many contestants. I'm impressed with how the groups have come together.

Featured next are the Mighty Rangers who admit that they didn't really practice. DH thinks glasses girl is annoying and wonders how many super sized glasses she owns. For the first time we see a crash and burn with lyrics. One of the guys who is cut whines and cries and asks for second chance. Kara and Simon quickly put the kibosh on that.

A contestant quits before her group's performance. She didn't want to embarrass herself. The vocal coach assures them that not much should change for them. Morea, at Hollywood Week for a second time with the same song, forgets her lines. Unforgivable in mine and Simon's estimation so she goes home.

Montage of contestants struggling with Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape." Why would they pick a song with that many lyrics? Dumb song selection. Big Dreams is the last group to tackle this song and features the guy who spent four years in jail and a girl who begged her way to Hollywood. They all do terribly. And they all go home.

I'm bored so I notice that the judges are drinking out of Vitamin Water cups instead of the standard Coke ones. I heart Vitamin Water so I approve.

Ryan tells us that lots of people are sent home that we should remember from the city auditions. I don't. Except for Tourette's guy. Because how could you forget him?

Middle C has a trio of very talented performers and easily make it through as do Three Men And A Baby. The producers saved the best drama for last and The Dreamers are up. Mary continues her path to "dead to me" with her attitude. I totally did a 180 on this girl in a single hour. Well, done, Mary!

The Dreamers do not disappoint with missed lyrics, mediocre melodies and off key notes. Somehow, against all odds, Mary, Alex and Hope make it to the next round. But I am now actively routing against Mary.

71 out of 96 move on to the last audition rounds before The Chair. I love the Chair. I'm ready for it now. But until then we have one more solo round. And we are thankful that group rounds are done for another year.

SJ out.